If we ever go out with the kids, Tom somehow manages to work it so that it’s not possible for Josh to come with us. He either makes us leave before Josh wakes up or he waits until he’s got up and gone out. If we go out and Josh rings to see where we are, he tells me not to tell him where we are and to say that we’ll be back in five minutes because he always thinks that Josh is up to something. My relationship with my son is really beginning to suffer under the strain and I’m asking myself why I’m choosing to pay such a high price and for what? A life of Tom’s shit? It’s just not worth it but still, this is what Josh wants. This life, this shitty, horrible life is preferable to Josh rather than spending any more time without a father figure in his life. Tom has so much to answer for. Just as much as Josh’s own Dad who’s just nowhere to be seen. I feel as though I’m failing my son in so many different, terrible ways right now.