I went to see my friend, Lucy and her little boy today. Lucy and I have been friends for twenty years and while we don’t see each other very often anymore because of work and family commitments, when we do, we’re always as close as we ever were and manage to slip back into comfortable conversation and lots of laughter. Except for today.
Today, as I sat in her living room, I could barely say a word. I couldn’t make eye contact with her and it was impossible for me to hold any kind of conversation with her. My confidence has gone. I felt as though I had nothing worthwhile or of interest to say to her. I no longer feel clever enough to engage in any kind of intelligent conversation and I certainly can’t laugh and joke with her the way I’ve always done. Instead, I sat and let her do all the talking while I felt panicky and anxious and unable to interact on even the most basic of levels.