I’ve booked to see a counsellor next Tuesday, just for me, Tom doesn’t want to go. Things are getting really bad, we might be okay for a day or two but then it starts to slip again so I phoned Relate this morning to see if they’d see me alone and how much they charge. I really can’t afford to pay very much as Tom is in charge of the money and barely gives me enough to cover the food, let alone anything else. They said it’s based on the individual’s income and so will only charge me ten pounds per session so I can just about afford to go, as long as I am careful with the food shopping.
I’m hoping that with counselling, I’ll be able to work through our problems and be happy again. I’m also going because I need to work out whether this is our problem, his problem or if I have some kind of mental illness that’s affecting everything. I often feel that way, and Tom thinks that too. In my saner moments though I wonder if he’s brainwashing and bullying me. I do feel good for having taken a positive step forward and hopefully, things will start to become clearer over the next few months.