We’ve just returned from a visit to Tom’s family and I hated every minute of it. Tom was a complete bastard the whole time we were there. When I made a comment a couple of months ago about how we’ve never had a holiday, he said that instead of moaning about it I should do something about it. I didn’t know how I could do that as I don’t have access to any money so instead, I went out and got a load of holiday brochures. I showed him the brochures and excitedly told him what the kids and I had been looking at. Nothing expensive, just somewhere that we could all go, relax and have fun. He didn’t even look at the books, he just said, ‘I don’t want to go anywhere other than to see my family. If we’re going to bother spending money to go away, we’ll at least spend it with them.’ I protested that wasn’t a holiday, it would be about his family and not about us all as a family but he wouldn’t budge on it and so we ended up there.
We stayed in a hotel close to his mum’s house for the first two nights. Tom gave the kids £20 each as spending money and then asked me if I wanted any ‘pocket money.’ I felt so insulted. On the first day of the holiday, we met up with his friend, Tim. It was decided we would go out for lunch. We arrived at the restaurant and sat down. As we started to look at the menus, Annie did a poo in her nappy so getting up to change her I said to Tom, ‘Could you order me something off the menu that you know I like please?’ I was starving and would have eaten anything at that point. In the changing room, I discovered that Annie had done the most disgusting poo which had spread up her back so I had to strip her down, try and wash her and get clean clothes on her. I was gone for 10-15 minutes. When I came back Tom, Tim and the kids were all sat eating. There was no food for me. When I asked where my food was he said he hadn’t bothered ordering me anything as he didn’t know what to get me. He sat and ate the rest of his meal without giving it a second thought while the kids tried giving me their chips so I had something to eat. I didn’t have any money to go and order my own and I didn’t want to have to ask Tom to give me money to get some food. Tim sat looking embarrassed and I just wanted to cry.
Two days later, we drove to stay with his aunt, uncle and cousins. They live in the middle of nowhere and I’ve never felt so isolated. They have a cottage that they let out right next door to their house and as they had no guests we stayed in the cottage. On the first night, Tom said he wanted to go out for a drink with his family which meant he wanted me to stay back with the kids. I said I thought it was a family holiday and that he’d be with us, or that we’d go with him, and he said, ‘This is my holiday and I want to spend it with my family, oh and by the way, I’ve told my brother that his kids can come over here tonight and you’ll watch them too so his wife can come out with us.’ Tom went out and got back at 3am despite promising me he’d be home by 11pm, then shouted at me when I asked him why he was so late.
The next day, we went to some caves a few miles away. When we got there it was about 1.30pm, the kids were hungry so I suggested we eat in the café before we went down into the caves. Tom had a quick look, said it was too expensive and that we’d eat straight afterwards. The kids then ran off to the gift shop so I followed them, returning back to Tom ten minutes later to find him tucking into a big jacket potato and a cup of tea. I said that I thought we were waiting and he said, ‘I was too hungry to wait but you lot are fine!’ By the time we’d been down the cave and got back to anywhere near civilisation it was 4.30pm before the kids and I ate and they were actually crying in the back of the car from hunger.
The next day, Tom decided we should go to the shops for a look around, except all he did was walk around the town pointing out all the different pubs, declaring how great they all were and then wouldn’t let the kids go off and spend their money. The only shop we actually went into was a supermarket to get some stuff for dinner. I’d said I’d make a bolognese for that night’s dinner. Tom went off getting other ingredients. When we got home, I started the dinner but Tom started preparing stuff to make a curry. When I asked why he said that he was making it for his family to thank them for putting us up. Dinner ready I called out to everyone, Tom said he was just going to drop the curry off to his uncle. We waited and waited but he didn’t return so we ate our dinner. Tom came back two hours later having stayed with them to eat the curry as he thought it would be rude not to eat with them. He didn’t consider how we were feeling, nor did he think about inviting us over.
Several times over the course of our ten days away, I tried to instigate sex with him. Every time, he pushed me away, told me to get off him and made me feel so shit about myself that I cried myself to sleep and then the final straw came when it was time for us to come home. We somehow managed to miss our flight. We were sat in the airport restaurant having breakfast when we realised that it was time to board the plane but when we got there we were too late which meant booking a night in a hotel and paying for more flights for the next day and despite the fact that we were both in the restaurant and both lost track of time, Tom blamed me for it entirely. He said it was all my fault, that because of my stupidity I cost him a fortune and he said he was sick of me fucking everything up.
I don’t know what hurts more, that Tom chooses to see his family as his aunts and uncles more than me and the kids, or that he is so cruel to us all, or that his family are just as bad as he is but either way, I will never ever set foot there ever again. It holds too many painful memories for me now.