Tom always used to sit downstairs watching telly until midnight but nowadays, if he’s not at the pub, he goes up to bed by nine o’clock and watches TV up there. I will not get in bed that early as it means I’d literally get no child-free time at all as Josh doesn’t go to bed until at least 10pm, so I’d get no ‘me time’ but also, Tom’s up there watching TV which I hate.
I think that bloody telly has killed our relationship. Tom comes in from work, watches telly, goes on the laptop, does his thing, plays with the kids, then goes to bed and it seems that there’s never any time for us. I wouldn’t mind if he were up there sleeping but he’s not, he watches it until at least 11pm every night. Our sex life is non-existent and I’m sick of it. It’s even got to the point that if I’m tired and say I want an early night he’ll moan because he wants to watch telly up there.
Normally, I let this go but tonight just upset me too much. I’ve been telling him for days how I feel about him, how I want our relationship to work, and how I’d love us to be intimate again but he always says he’s too tired or not in the mood, but last night he fumbled with me a little while half asleep which I reminded him of this morning, told him it had made things worse for me and what I would like us to do tonight yet at 8.30pm he announced he was going up to bed. He knew I was a little annoyed but I said I’d be up soon. I went to brush my teeth, he was watching tv, I could hear it through the baby monitor but by the time I got upstairs the tv was off and he was supposedly asleep. I sometimes wonder if he’s just not into me anymore, well clearly he’s not and to make matters worse, instead of putting Annie in her cot, he put her on my side of the bed completely so there wasn’t even anywhere for me to sleep. I feel very pushed out and rejected. I wish he could see how important it is to spend time together as a couple and not just as mummy and daddy. We have been getting on much better, to the point that we’ve decided to give this one more try instead of me moving out and currently this is really the only thing I can complain about but it’s a huge deal for me. I can’t get my head around why I want something and he wants something else so different. I’m certain now it’s because I’m so unattractive. He is, after all, always telling me that I’m starting to look like my sisters and then reminds me that he thinks they’re fat and ugly. He must find me so repulsive.