Fuck Off!

Tom and I had a disagreement a few days ago, it was over in minutes and as far as I was concerned that was that but that night he got up from the sofa and went up to bed without even saying a word to me, something that hasn’t happened for months. I was really upset about that but left him alone, thinking he’d be okay when I went up to bed or if not, at least by the morning. I went up a little while later and within a few minutes, Annie was crying. Tom straight away snapped at her, shouting at her to go back to sleep. I said, ‘That’s going to make her worse, don’t snap at her.’ He jumped out of bed and screamed ‘FUCK OFF’ at me. When I said, “Don’t talk to me like that” he again told me to fuck off. He stormed off down the stairs, hitting something as he went, returning five minutes later to tell me not to give Annie a drink. I ignored him and Annie went off to sleep shortly afterwards. Tom then said that I should still be taking Annie downstairs when she wakes so he can sleep. I didn’t see him the next day until after work as he left early but he came in after work and started moaning at me about something else.

Now last night, he said that I started all this, that I started a row originally but then he refused to discuss that and he told me to fuck off again and stop being so childish. This morning, he asked for a kiss and I refused. I said that I am not prepared to kiss someone that tells me to fuck off and he started shouting, ‘Shut up, you’ve been dragging this on for days now, let it go and grow up.’ I’m not in the wrong here, I’m sure. How do I deal with this?

I stand up to him but it gets me nowhere. He shouts me down, belittles me, anything he can do to put himself in the right. Every single time. I don’t know how to deal with it, I’m starting to accept that there’s little point in trying to talk to him, everything is always my fault, in his eyes anyway. I’m now only with him still mainly as I can’t see a way out yet. There is no future for us, of that I’m sure. I just need to work out the logistics of leaving.

These last few days he’s started to get really shitty with the kids as well, he’s been mocking Katie behind her back but I saw, and yesterday he had a right go at her over nothing. I don’t want them raised this way any longer. I’m seeking legal advice as soon as I can get an appointment. It’s so difficult to get out though and just as hard to maintain any clear thinking when he suddenly stops and turns on the charm again. It makes me think I was mistaken or going mad. I have NO money. Nowhere to go. No furniture. No deposit for anywhere and no hope of finding anywhere much as I have debts up to my ears and yet it’s starting to feel like the better option.

So, six days after telling me to fuck off, it’s still going on. He won’t discuss it other than to say I started it. He’s snapping at me constantly and slagging me off, today is because I didn’t make him lunch, he says that I never make anything for him and that he always has to do his own despite the fact that every night he gets dinner on the table. I do practically all of the childcare, I do all of the housework and I now work a few hours a week too and he has the nerve to complain because he has to make his own lunch. I have asked my mum if I can go and stay with her if things get much worse, but the thing is, I’d only be able to stay there a few days maximum so I’m not really sure what it would achieve other than making me appear to him as if I’m even crazier than he already believes.

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