Today has been really trying. I’m tired and stressed and I can’t see any way out. I have been looking for houses to rent but there’s nothing in my price range and nothing in the areas I want to live. I had a chat with a solicitor but it doesn’t sound hopeful. Tom refused to put me on the house deeds when we bought this house which will probably leave me entitled to either nothing or very little if I try anything. I know I need to actually find out facts but I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where to go for housing advice, I’ve already been to the council who took all of my details and let me tell them the situation, they agreed it was bad and I’d be better moving out but didn’t tell me my options or what help, if any, I’m entitled to.
I keep having moments when I wonder again if I’m in the wrong or if I’m overreacting to things and seeing them as much worse than they are. I’m worried that I will leave him and then realise it was a mistake and that it was in my head the whole time.
I don’t want to be on my own, I’m lonely enough now, never mind when I’m on my own with no adult company. I have no money although I really should be used to that. I have things that have to be paid today but if I do there won’t be enough money for food this month. I could ask Tom for some money but I hate having to ask someone that is supposed to be my equal to give me money and then be questioned as to why I need it. Most of all, I hate myself for getting into this situation, for letting him knock me down lower and lower to the point that I can no longer see any way out of this misery.