I’ve broached the subject of sex with Craig. Taking those photographs a few days ago really got me thinking. I’ve been deprived of a sexual, intimate relationship for so long, and it’s always been something that’s really important to me, so now that I’m single, why deprive myself any longer? Why not give it a go with a man that likes me for who I am, that has been nothing but respectful towards me and one with who I feel safe enough to allow to see another layer of me, even if that layer is naked.
I’m not actually as confident as I sound. The thought of sharing my body with a man again, the possible rejection as well as the possible judgement and dislike of my body is filling me with fear, much more than it’s filling me with excitement but I can’t help thinking that I just need to do. To jump back on the horse, so to speak.
Craig was open to the idea but as always, respectful and said he couldn’t just go ahead and do it, that wasn’t his style. I felt rejected, despite him saying that wasn’t the case. Maybe I’m not as ready as I think I am.