Real Life Returns

Tom told me that he’s thinking of killing himself and has even worked out how he’ll do it. He says he’s going to hang himself from his loft. 

Upon hearing this I went into a state of shock. I could feel myself shaking from the inside out. I felt sick and scared to death. I can’t let this happen. Not to him, not to Annie, not to my other children and not to me.

My new life has come crashing down all around me. I feel responsible for keeping Tom alive. I’m wondering if I’ve made a big mistake in leaving him, it is, after all, because of me that he is now talking in this way.  I have to take him back. I have to save his life and save Annie’s life by keeping her Daddy alive. I can not and will not be responsible for any more heartache and pain.

I vow to myself that no matter what he puts me through and how much he abuses me or controls me, I will stay with him forever, rather than be responsible for him taking his own life and taking mine and the kids’ lives with him. I feel panicky and scared. I can’t let this happen.

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