At my counselling session today I told Sam that I think I’m too needy. Sam asked me to tell her what being needy means for me.
Needy means I am lacking in love. I need and like a lot of physical affection. I love being hugged and kissed. I love having sex, I love the intimacy and closeness it brings, the feeling of being wanted. When I don’t get that, I feel in great need of it. I feel empty, scared, panicky, unloved, unwanted. I hate the word needy. I find it ugly, desperate. I feel I am less of a person when I’m needy, I’m less attractive. I become childish, upset, angry, irrational. I feel hurt and confused. I wonder if I am unlovable.
What do I need to do to get what I need? What should I say for someone to love me enough to hold me, kiss me, make love to me? I feel as though I’m not good enough. I feel invisible and my needs go unnoticed. My cries ignored.
Needy means sadness because nothing will come of it. No-one will care enough for me to fulfil my needs. I will be alone and physically be hurting and aching from my neediness. Having needs equals pains as my needs remain unmet. Needy means pain.