What better day than Christmas day to have a massive realisation that you really feel deep within, one that resonates so much that you can’t ignore it. A day of loving, of giving. Today, to myself.
Just like last year, Tom came to stay on Christmas Eve as well as tonight, to spend Christmas with me and the kids. He insulted me, he put me down, he tried to be verbally abusive but from somewhere I found the strength to cut him right down with my words and told him he wouldn’t be spending Christmas with us if he did that and he actually stopped. He didn’t apologise or admit he was at fault but he stopped.
Today, after the kids opened their presents and we ate dinner we were talking and I made a comment about how it’s all so similar to last year and it felt like nothing had changed. When I said it, I didn’t mean it the way I felt it, but the feeling that came with it was a real ‘Oh my God, your life is EXACTLY the same as it was a year ago. Do you really want it to be the same again in another year’s time?’ and the resounding answer within me was a very definite NO!
This is progress! Major progress and it came from nowhere. Well, actually it probably came from my counselling and finally realising that I don’t even love Tom any more. That the man I thought I loved was in fact the man I met eight years ago who ceased to exist a long time ago. I finally feel as though I may be breaking free from these chains that have held me for so long. This is just the best Christmas in a very long time.