Pushed Away

I finally got our new home into a nice condition to live in today. The new carpets got put down today and I cleaned and tidied it all so it was spotless but then to my surprise I found myself wanting to invite Phil round to show him and share it with him. I didn’t act on it as I knew it wouldn’t be fair. Yesterday, the kids and I put the Christmas tree up which made me miss Phil even more because I couldn’t stop thinking about sharing that with him too, of sitting together under the lights of the tree watching a film together. I still didn’t act on it though but then Phil sent me a message asking if I’d meet him for lunch to talk things through. I should have said no but I agreed.

During lunch, Phil made me realise that when I’m stressed I push people away. I tried to tell him that he’d added to my stress and he could see it but he said that he was only trying harder because I was pushing him away. It was an endless vicious circle. Phil asked if, now that my stress has eased, if I’d been willing to try again and I agreed. I’m not entirely certain it was the right decision but I think I owe it to him after pushing him away so much.

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