Had I put a little more thought into how I wanted the first day of 2013 to start, I probably would have done it a bit differently. Phil stayed over last night which meant he was here this morning. He slept in Annie’s room as I still haven’t told Annie that he’s anything more than a friend, when he woke he came and climbed onto the bed with Annie and me which totally freaked me out! I always feel as though my space is being invaded with him here and being on the bed which I share with Annie, too much of an invasion.
I got us all up and made breakfast with Phil following me round like a lap dog. Once we’d eaten, I put on a film and snuggled up with Annie to watch it. Of course, Phil was with us and again it felt intrusive. I didn’t want him here in my space, intruding on my time with the kids.
Eventually, I was saved by the bell in the form of Tom who wanted to take Annie out for a bike ride. Phil went home, I went to collect Alice from her friend’s before spending the rest of the day relaxing at home.
This year I really need to address why I am having a relationship with a man that I don’t really want to be with and that I don’t feel a physical attraction for and then I need to end it because I’ve discovered that attraction doesn’t grow. It’s either there or it’s not and with Phil, it’s not.