I miss Phil. I never thought this would happen but the last couple of days I’ve really missed him. I’ve talked to myself about how it’s elements of the relationship I miss but I don’t know if that’s true because the relationship was what it was because of him, because of his kindness, his patience. I miss his cuddles. I miss the sex, rather the sex with him. I miss having someone to share things with who won’t judge or laugh. I miss the fun we have and the ease I feel around him. I miss his friendship. There are things I don’t miss too but they don’t seem quite so overwhelming now. I need to just sit with this, to just miss him because I know that I could change my mind again. I wish I wasn’t so bloody fickle all the time.