Loving Him Again

Loving Him 2013

It was Annie’s school sport’s day today. I did a lot less watching of the sport than I did talking to Tom. I wanted to be close to him, I wanted to be with him. I am still so in love with him. At sports day he was happy, laughing, fun. He was the Tom I fell in love with almost ten years ago. I miss him so much. I wish I could turn back time and correct all my mistakes. I wish I could tell him how much I love him, what he means to me, that I will never stop loving him. That I will love him until the moment I take my last breath. Tonight Tom went to the pub, I love it when he does, which is rare nowadays because when he does, he texts me all night long. I read so much into this. I don’t know if he does too. I wish he’d tell me he loves me, misses me, wants me back. I wish for that so much. I don’t even want to contemplate that may not even be true for him when it’s all so true for me. I want to tell him how I feel but I’m so scared. Scared of making a fool of myself, scared of his reaction, scared of his rejection. Most of all I’m scared I will take these feelings, unexpressed, to my grave one day. Equally as bad is knowing one day, he may feel the way I feel, about someone else. That is unthinkable. That would destroy me.

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