Lost Together

I took Jasper for a walk this morning. On the way, I decided to see if Tom wanted to go with us. He’s grown really fond of Jasper recently and loves taking him for walks but really I suppose that’s an excuse. The truth is I really wanted to spend time with Tom. He agreed to come and we went off to the forest for a quick walk, except we got lost and it ended up being a ninety-minute walk. Halfway in, and totally lost in the overgrowth, Tom put his hand on my shoulder and asked how come I’ve been friendlier towards him lately. I didn’t really know what to say and then he asked if I was still with Phil or not. I told him no and we had a long talk about Phil and why we ended. We talked a little about our relationship and how it went so wrong and I think it was one of the best chats we’ve ever had because we were both calm, neither blaming and both of us have grown up and changed over the last three years.

Once we found our way back to the car, Tom suggested going for lunch. It was very relaxed and natural and one of the nicest afternoons I’ve had in a long time. I realised though that Tom may not actually have any feelings towards me other than as an ex and as the mum of Annie. He’s very friendly and affectionate with previous exes and so maybe he was just doing exactly the same with me as he does with them.

After lunch, we dropped Jasper home and went to the school together to get Annie and then on to get stuff for dinner. While there, Annie kept putting her arms around the both of us and twice Tom commented about how she’s happiest when we’re both there together. I did kind of take this as him dropping a hint but in all honesty, I can never read Tom. He’s never really forthcoming with stuff like this, either because he’s not interested in rekindling what we once had or because he’s scared of getting hurt or rejected. I don’t know. I do know though, that I had one of the nicest days that I’ve had in a very long time. I love spending time with Tom and now he’s not here and also not texting me, which is totally normal, but tonight I’m really missing him.

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