I Love Him, I Love Him Not

I Love Him, I Love Him Not 2013

I woke up missing Phil but that changed shortly afterwards to doubts again. I don’t know why they’ve started up again now.

I’m questioning once again if what I feel for him is enough. I’m reminding myself how the issues I had before living with Danny, Greg and Tom remained afterwards and became major issues which ultimately ended up destroying us.

I’m reminding myself constantly what a good man Phil is, how he’s never done anything wrong. How he’s everything I could ever ask for in a man and more but still the feeling remains this morning that after we live together and marry the issue is going to become apparent that I don’t love him enough. I love him but I’m just not sure that I’m in love with him but I’m going to do it anyway and I’m going to hope that it doesn’t turn out like all the other relationships. I’m going to do it because he’s a good man and because he treats me with more love and respect than any other person in the world ever has and partly because I want my children to have that in their lives too, for their future happiness and I just have to pray and pray that this is just a blip and I will fall in love with him one day.

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