This morning I’ve been in a great mood. I’ve felt light, happy, energetic and positive and then my Dad turned up for a visit with a woman that he’s been seeing for about the past year or so and is about to move in with next week and my energy levels changed completely. This is the first time I’ve met Sophie, my sisters have all met her several times which strikes me as a little odd, and within minutes of meeting her, I felt anxious for her and her future.
Dad, as usual, took centre stage. Everything was all about him; his health, his work, his future, his feelings. Every time she spoke he either discredited her words with a putdown of some kind or he ignored what she said. Dad hasn’t changed one bit and I fear that the woman that I’ve just met won’t be the woman I encounter in a few months times when they’ve lived together a while. I feel as though my Dad’s energy has drained me like a leech. I hate the way he treats women as second-class citizens. He talks down to and them and doesn’t listen to anything they say as though his opinion is always better.
The more I see the true father I have the more I realise that there was no wonder that I attracted similar into my life with Tom and the more I see of the both of them, the more the odds increase of me staying single for the rest of my life. I no longer think it’s worth it. I no longer trust men enough to let one into my life, romantically. I am at my happiest with my kids, my nieces and nephews and my friends and that’s the way it’s going to stay, I think.