I’ve had a really introspective day today. I was really tired and could feel my mood dropping lower and lower so I made myself get out of the house, instead of retreating to my bed. I always find driving to be really therapeutic and so as I belted up and down the roads, music blaring, it suddenly struck me why Phil came back in my life; why Tom is only just leaving my life four years after splitting up; why I’m having issues with friends; why I was with Greg and Danny and I unravelled my past into a jumbled heap to be sifted through and put into some order, if possible.
Danny, Greg, Tom, Phil. All in my life because in one way or another I wanted them to rescue me.
Friends – I rescue and then feel resentment when they do nothing for me.
I feel as though I need to unpick my life until I work my way back to the root cause of all of this. The need I have to be looked after which breeds a lack of responsibility for the self which is ultimately because I don’t trust myself to make the right choices.