After dropping Annie off at school, all the mums went into Karen’s for a catch up after the weekend. Whilst there, I listened to them all, their worries, their stresses and I heard how they don’t feel like they can cope and how things will never get better when I suddenly got a strong sense of my inner strength. I say this more as an observation of myself rather than a judgement of my friends.
Pippa is severely depressed and took pills yesterday in a bid to end her life, she failed purely because she didn’t take enough. She is depressed because of her shitty childhood, a childhood very much like my own. Karen is stressed and not coping with anything but that, sadly, is the norm for Karen. I’ve noticed that despite her very sunny disposition – she always has a smile on her face and a bounce in her step – everything that she says is negative. Everything. Our friend, Neil commented on it on Saturday, I thought it was only me that could see it. Sally isn’t coping with housework, kids, her allotment and how much she has to do and she’s getting incredibly stressed about it all.
This group of friends seem to lack belief in themselves and that life will get better and they all fall back on me for support during their toughest hour. Sally asked me to help her sort her house out, Pippa comes to me for emotional support and Karen comes to me for everything – emotional support, babysitting, advice, to hold her hand at the dentist, to cry on my shoulder. Once again, I found myself looking at my life. I am the single woman of the group. I am the one with the most children, double what most of my friends have. I am the one with the least money. I am the strongest, emotionally.
I questioned why I have managed to turn my challenges around to make me stronger and yet these women get snowed under by them. I know I don’t always do that but on the whole, and with time, I do manage to do that and I do it well. In the end, I had to come to the conclusion that I am strong because I have a trust and a faith that they don’t. I trust life. It’s all as simple as that. I trust that everything happens for a soul reason and that, as souls, we have to experience good and bad times to be able to grow. I trust that every negative has a positive. I trust that everything, especially the hard times, are taking you to better times. I trust that a positive attitude, love and faith in life will absolutely conquer all. My beliefs are what makes and keeps me strong. During the times that I struggle, I draw strength on my beliefs of just knowing there’s a higher reason for whatever is happening and I just keep going. Never have I been proved wrong. Every single challenging time in my life has brought about a positive; either immediately or over the space of time but it never has never failed to do so.
My friends lack the ability to see this and to have faith that everything is as it should be and all is ok. Instead they go on a downward spiral, seeking the negative and finding it. This then weakens them and they struggle to get back up and move on. I have learnt, particularly over the last few years, but it started probably about 12 years ago, that having faith in life and thinking positively is what gets you through life. I’ve really started to feel a deep inner peace over the last few weeks. I’ve been letting go of more and more and allowing more in but mostly I’m just letting life flow exactly as it wants to. It’s amazing and it’s beautiful and I have a real sense that if I continue to do so, life is going to be unrecognisable, in a very good way, in the future. Maybe it already is.