Hardened

I’ve become hardened. The lack of love in my life is hardening me. I remember when I was with Phil, on the days I spent with him being totally loved, I felt softer, kinder, more loving towards others, more centred and grounded. The last few months of not having anyone giving me love is reducing me to a woman who is becoming hostile, argumentative and constantly on a mission to make sure I and others are being treated right – with love and kindness – and I’m doing it by doing the complete opposite. I’m angry and that’s what is coming out of me towards most other people in my life. Yesterday someone on my Facebook took a ‘How much of a bitch are you?’ test. I didn’t need to take the test because I knew it would be high and on some level I was kind of proud of that because at least it means that people aren’t walking all over me, treating me like shit and taking me for granted anymore – all phrases coined by my Mum and adopted by me whether I believe them or not. I want to soften up because the softer, more loving me is so much nicer. I can be gentle and still be assertive, it doesn’t mean I’m a pushover or a doormat. Again, my Mum’s words. I do have moments of kindness and gentleness but too often the negativity spews forth. 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s