Beyond Selfish

I am exhausted. I am so tired I could drop. I feel drained on every level and so tonight, after a particularly difficult week I decided to have a really early night. I showered and got in bed at 8pm, certain that a good night’s sleep would do me the world of good. I was just dozing off when at 8.40pm the doorbell rang, I thought it was Josh so I got up to answer it. It was my mum and stepdad.

Mum took one look at me in my dressing gown and said, “You weren’t in bed were you?” I said I was as I was really tired and was just falling asleep. Instead of doing what every other normal person would do and leave she just walked straight in going on about some book she’d picked up at a charity shop for Josh and how she didn’t want to have to come back another time with it, sat on the sofa and stayed there until 11.25pm even though I kept yawning and even though I said numerous times about how exhausted I was and how I really needed an early night, she still just sat there.

She is the most selfish fucking person ever. How is it ok to turn up at someone’s house without calling first, at that time of night and then stay there until a time when most people are in bed? Why is it ok to stay there when she’s fully aware that she’s actually got me out of bed?

I am so fucking angry. I don’t get a lie in anymore because of the girls never going to Greg’s and having to run Alice to work so I was trying to get the extra hours in tonight and she knows this. You can see how tired I am, you can hear how fucking stressed I am because of tiredness and yet, as usual, as per every day of my life spent with her, it’s all about her needs and what she wants.

She even had the cheek as she, very slowly, made her way out of the house, to say, “Sorry if we kept you up. I expect you’ll be moaning about me when I’m gone!” What the fuck? I think she creates these situations so people do moan about her so she can uphold the belief that she’s a pain in the arse, and you know what, she bloody well is. No doubt she’ll ring in the morning asking if I’m tired and if I managed to get to sleep. The answer now will be NO because now I’m too fucking angry and wound up to sleep so now I have to wait another week for a chance to catch up on some sleep.

Even more annoying is the fact that I just don’t feel able to tell her to leave or to even ask her to leave. She has this power over me that makes me afraid to even try and stand up to her or put my needs first. It’s been like this my entire life because anyone that has stood up to her, she has treated them so appallingly that it’s deterred me from ever attempting to set boundaries with her. She’s such a selfish fucking bitch.

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