My Darling, My Future Love,
As I sit here on this warm September afternoon I think about you yet I don’t know you. I don’t know what you look like or what your soul feels like. I don’t know what you love most in life, what fires you with a passion you can’t control or what hurts you and makes you weep. I don’t know where in the world you reside right now and I don’t know if you’ve started looking for me yet but I do know that I will know. My soul and your soul will remember each other and something deep down inside of us will celebrate because we’ve found each other.
I’ve dreamt of you. Not of your features, your hair colour or the gait of your walk but of your soul and of the love we share together. I’ve awoken too many times hungry for you yet knowing patience must prevail; the time wasn’t right, until now.
At times I find myself pondering over where your life has taken you, what pleasures you’ve experienced, what pains you’ve endured. I’ve wondered about what you’ve been doing on the key dates in my life and I think about how I will be able to share with you what I was doing on the key dates in yours.
Every day of my life so far has been in preparation for our life together. I, like you, have experienced really good times and really challenging times, each experience has brought me closer to being the person that is perfect for you. I’ve made friends with my demons and I’ve learnt who I am so as to have the space to know who you are. I’m ready to crack open the shell, to expose myself to you, to allow you to see my core.
I have been working hard every day to get to know myself, to accept and love myself so that I am whole in time for our love to flourish. I’ve been broken and beaten but I am no longer in need of healing as I have been so many other times in my life, I’m as ready now as I ever will be.
I’m scared. You are, after all, the unknown but I’m excited too at getting to know you, everything about you. I’m hoping you’ve had a wonderful life rich with experiences which will enhance our relationship. I hope you’ve had as many challenges as joys because I know if you have, you’ll have become a stronger person for them and I know it can all act to only enhance who we are together.
I care not what you do for a living or what money you have in the bank, nor do I mind what car you drive, what clothes you wear or how big your house is. What I care about is you, the nitty-gritty of you. I care about your past, your present, our future. I want to know what makes your soul sing. I want to encourage you to do that at every available opportunity and I want to spend hour after hour, day after day listening to you share who you are with me.
I want to talk late into the night about everything we love. I want to agree with you wholeheartedly and disagree with you fiercely, passionately. Don’t fear hurting me with words of your truth. Speak to me with an open heart knowing that we could both get hurt but trusting that together we can heal again.
I want to hear you laugh until your belly aches. I want to give you space to weep and arms to fall into. I want to make love you to all day, every day; with words of kindness, with simple gestures, by caring for you, not as a mother does with her child but as a woman does for her man. I want to know how your breath feels against my skin, your kisses on my mouth, your hands upon my breasts. I long to feel the weight of you as we join together and I can’t wait to curl up in your arms and rest in your embrace.
I want to begin our lives together but I know that right now, at this moment, the timing isn’t right because if it were, you’d be laying next to me and I wouldn’t be writing this because I’d already know and you’d already know and our love would have a heart if its own that already beats. And so until then, I will continue to ponder and wait patiently, knowing that you are doing whatever you need to do to be with me, wherever you are in the world but know one thing, if you’re holding this letter in your hands it’s because I know in every fibre of my being that you are the one I am meant to be with. You are the one I want to spend my life with. You are the choice I am making and I promise to love you exactly as you are each and every day. I have found you.
With love, your Annie