Tom went home to see his family on Boxing Day and came back tonight. He wanted to see Annie but as she’s not feeling well, I said he could come around here for a little while instead. He arrived and I felt my heart swell a little. It was so good to have him back and I really wanted to give him a big hug and a kiss, just like when we were together and he’d come home.
Of course, this then triggered a lot of the old feelings again. That old devil called love is still there and still pops up every now and then. Tom was relaxed, happy, fun, easy-going and so so easy to fall back in love with, even if just for tonight.
I’ve come to accept over the last few years that no matter how much I am over my time with Tom, I’m still going to have the old feelings popping up now and then and especially when I least expect them to but I also know that it’s natural and perfectly okay. It doesn’t mean I have to go down that path ever again and it doesn’t mean that the feelings are real, other than in that moment. Tonight’s slip was probably because I’ve been on my own and feeling really lonely all Christmas and it was nice to have some male company in my house for a change. Nothing more, nothing less.