After our texts the other day, I told Michael that I may have made a mistake and rushed into something that I’m not sure I want. He said that that he was confused, understandably, and that he thought one thing and that now he thinks another and he didn’t know if I was after sex or a girl/boyfriend type scenario. I told him that I wasn’t prepared to have sex with someone just for the sake of sex and that my plan for 2015 was to hopefully find love and have a relationship. I could have sex fairly easily if I wanted to, with Michael or with someone else, but I don’t want that. I’ve reached the point of wanting a hell of a lot more and by jumping straight into bed with Michael, I’d be selling myself short, plus I know I’d regret it.
I want to take my time to get to know a man, to see what he’s really like and if he’s worth sharing my body with before I just give it away, and I probably should have thought about that before I indulged in the texts with Michael but it’s brought us here, to clarity, so that can’t be a bad thing. For me, it’s really confirmed for me that a relationship is absolutely what I want. A long-term, serious, committed relationship with a man who wants the same whether that’s with Michael or someone else. Sex is just the cherry on the cake so either Michael and I go on some more dates and build up to more or there’s nothing. I can’t do to myself what I did with Theo – I can’t risk having sex with a man and then not hearing from him again.