I joined Slimming World on Thursday. As much as I’d like to say that I’m doing this for me, it would be a lie. I’m doing it because of joining a dating site and because I don’t think that a man would find me attractive as I am. I’m about a stone heavier than I ‘should’ be and I have belly fat that I’m embarrassed by. That’s sad, isn’t it? My weight doesn’t bother me but as soon as I start thinking about dating, I also start thinking that I’m not good enough, that my body isn’t good enough and that I have to change. Surely love and relationships are about acceptance of who you are. Did I learn nothing from my previous relationships? Isn’t it true that Greg didn’t stop loving me or finding me attractive when I put on some weight, taking me to the same weight I am now? It certainly is true that Phil accepted me fully for who I was. Craig said he loved my body exactly as it was, which is the same as it is now, and Theo never remarked on anything about my body, and yet, despite all of those positive affirmations, I still feel that for a man to find me attractive, I need to lose the fat on my stomach and change a part of who I am to be loved.
