The Vicious Circle of No Affection

I’m so boring.

I realised today just how boring I’ve become. I can’t remember the last time I was any fun. Joining the dating website is really highlighting to me how dull I’ve become. I’ve had over sixty men message me, I’ve engaged with a few but I’ve purposely kept all conversation, well, boring. I haven’t joked or messed around, I certainly haven’t turned the conversation around to sex and I know that I won’t hear back from most of them after a while unless I make some changes but the fact is I am utterly dull and boring these days. Life is no fun at the moment and I’m no fun. Not with men, not with my friends, not with the kids, not with myself.

I feel in desperate need of a man’s arms around me, holding me tight and bringing me back to me but that’s not going to happen until I can lighten up but I don’t think that will happen unless I get some physical affection. I’m actually craving hugs right now, I’d do almost anything to receive a genuine loving hug but there’s no-one to give it to me. The saddest thing is, that I know for a fact, that once I’ve received a hug, I’ll be back to my old fun self. (Which I don’t ever show on this blog!)

It seems the lack of physical touch in my life is going to always be a problem for me as much as it was when I was a child. It also seems to me that I am just one of those people that absolutely needs physical touch to operate efficiently and without it, I just don’t work. What a vicious circle to be stuck in.

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