Over the last few days, I’ve felt so angry, lonely and tired. I’ve been so snappy today that Alice and Katie joked that I’ve been possessed. I just can’t seem to shake it and I know that my anger is because I am so bloody hungry for love in my life and so bloody frustrated and impatient that it’s not coming along, and that I don’t know where to even find it.
I just desperately need, not just want, but need to have love in my life and after such a long long time of not receiving or giving any love to anyone, I’m left feeling empty and angry and I don’t like it one bit. I don’t want to feel this way. My life feels pointless, apart from the kids. I’ve always believed that having a husband is right for me and not having a man in my life, now that I want one so badly, is making life very difficult. I feel as though something vital is missing and I’m just not functioning properly without it anymore.
I’ve really tried to create a life on my own and I’ve done okay but I can no longer deny to myself that I want and need more. I want someone to share stuff with and to hold at night and to talk to and laugh with. I need someone to have physical contact with and someone to listen to me. I need a relationship and not only do I not have one but I don’t see it happening any time soon because I don’t know how to go about finding one and that makes me scared and angry. I think the girls were right, I am possessed – by a great need for love.