Challenging My Masculinity

I’m really starting to feel the first challenge with Gary. That’s not a bad thing at all. His raw masculinity is really highlighting to me just how far removed I am from my femininity and I feel that by having him in my life, I will be challenged to step into a more feminine role. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all because over the last five years I’ve really become quite masculine in terms of having to be both mum and dad, having to be assertive, getting things done around the house, learning to get really tough and strong to overcome Tom’s continued attempts at controlling me but the downside to all of this is that I’ve forgotten how to be feminine. In fact, I’m not even sure I can remember what being a woman means to me anymore. These feelings were triggered by a very suggestive and detailed text he sent me which was both sensual yet powerful which he then followed up with, “I am rather passionate with the right woman &, as I said before, you’ve ticked all the right boxes. I suppose to a degree, I am growing impatient as you’ve aroused me intellectually & sexually, which very few women have ever managed, so I apologise for my enthusiasm. I’m tempted to ask you to cancel the Monday morning date & meet me instead, so Monday night is our second date & I get a kiss!” 

The power he has over me is not only about the feminine, but it’s also the sexual power too. It’s a power I haven’t felt for a very long time. He oozes testosterone and I know he’ll be able to persuade me very easily to come round to his way of thinking. So much so that I did end up cancelling Monday’s date. I felt no attraction towards him whatsoever and I really didn’t want to pass up the chance of seeing Gary slightly earlier than arranged. So now, we’re meeting Monday morning to walk the dog together which is the most unusual first date I’ll have ever been on. I have a few other dates lined up for after my dates with Gary but when I told Gary that he said, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re gonna have to cancel the dates after me.” I think he’s right, I’m pretty sure already that he’s going to captivate me completely and I won’t want to go on the dates with those other men.

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