My Milkshake Brings . . .

I woke this morning after just four hours sleep and couldn’t get back to sleep. Gary rang me again this morning and by the time I realised the time I had twenty-five minutes to shower and dress for my date with number two. I ended up throwing on the same clothes from yesterday which smelt of Gary’s aftershave and running out the house with slightly wet, mad hair and barely time to get there.

Date two and I had arranged to meet at a local tea room for tea and cake. He messaged me to say he was waiting outside and so I rushed down, sweating in my haste but with one eye watering from the cold. I got to the tea room to find he wasn’t there. Then I looked a little more closely and realised I was at the wrong one and I had no idea where the right one was. I had no signal on my phone to message him again so had to start asking around for where it was. It turns out it was just up the road and I’d probably walked straight past him.

I walked back up and found him looking a little worried. I apologised for my lateness. I apologised for not even knowing where I was meeting him and I apologised for looking such a wreck. My late night had left me with unsightly dark bags under my eyes, I expect he was thinking I looked nothing like my photo. He told me it was ok and not to cry about it. The wind and cold air had now made both eyes water and I can only hope I didn’t have mascara smudged everywhere. I didn’t apologise for smelling of another man.

Date two, who reminded me of someone, was quite nice. We went into the tea room and ordered a drink, orange juice for me and a huge pot of tea for him. He then asked for a milkshake too and a slice of cake. He admitted to loving milkshakes, downed that and then drank four cups of tea. All I could think about was his bladder and how it was going to retain all that liquid.

We talked loads. He said nothing weird or inappropriate and he was quite funny at times. He also told me stories of his health and how he’d broke his leg, not once, but twice. He spoke about work and about his hobbies and he enquired about my life and listened when I told him. My left eye continued to water a little on and off throughout and at one point I went to wipe the tear and he thought he’d spat in my eye and apologised profusely for it! I tried my hardest not to laugh but couldn’t help it. It was then that I realised who he reminded me of. Gru from Despicable Me but with papery thin skin that was slightly yellowing.

He mentioned about me not kissing on first dates and I confirmed that I don’t and then I found myself overcome with tiredness, trying to suppress yawns and not listening to what he was saying which meant I then had to try and answer as if I did know and he just kept looking confused. After an hour I said I needed to go. Outside he said he’d love to see me again and then said, “Well, you don’t kiss on first dates, do you?” rather too optimistically so I quickly said goodbye and left.

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