I feel as though I’m starting to lose myself in my relationship with Gary but I can see very clearly that it isn’t necessarily about Gary. It’s about me, allowing myself to get lost. He can be very caveman-like, he’s quite old fashioned and like’s women to be women; to dress femininely and act the same way and that’s not me. I don’t know if it’s someone I want to be or not. I feel weaker just at the thought of being more feminine. I’m allowing myself to get lost though by not writing here as often and not taking photographs. I kind of live for the nights I see Gary and all the things I loved to do, no longer interest me and I find myself getting bored in the evenings when I don’t see him. But that’s not me and I’m quite uncomfortable at the thought of losing who I am again.