I feel so angry. I’ve been like it for days. I can’t shake it the way I usually can. I don’t really want to because my anger drives me and propels me to where I want to be, to a place I was always destined to be. The place that sees me walking away from government limitations and everyone else’s rules and beliefs. All the lies and falsehoods I’ve had drummed into me since birth are all falling away and as much as the last five and a half years have been about finding my truth, now is the time to start becoming and living my own truth.
I keep asking myself why Gary has come into my life, why I have found myself attracted to and falling in love with yet another man whose intention seems to be to mould me into the woman he wants rather than loving me for the woman I am and the woman I aspire to be. I now think he’s in my life to push me further and further into my own unique, amazing being. The more he tries to place limitations on me of not cutting my hair and not wearing slobby clothes when I’m with him, the more I find myself growing in anger and determination to stand stock still and strong in my resolve to be who I am, regardless of the possible consequences. Gary, who, like Tom, has the potential to weaken me, is actually making me stronger and more determined to live my truth and not just find it. The more I get told ‘No’ by him, by Tom, by society and by everyone around me, the more determined I am to be me, to break all the rules and to make my own.
Annie will be homeschooled and it most probably won’t be with text books and worksheets, it will be with exploring the world around us and allowing her the space and freedom to discover who she is and who she wants to be.
I will no longer give into and just accept all the bullshit I’ve been told. Most of what I’ve believed in life has been bollocks. It’s been limiting my life enormously, the same as it does for most other people in the world and it’s going to stop. Right now. I make my own rules. I dance to the beat of my own drum. I live my truth.