A Long Time Coming

After speaking with the older kids last night, debating my options and coming to a decision, I wrote an email to Dad today:

“I’ve been thinking about your proposal and have a few queries. Two weeks ago you rang me to tell me that you were selling Sasha’s place but you wanted me to know that you would not be selling mine; that the only reason you were selling hers was that the rent wasn’t being paid. You said that as I always paid my rent, you would have no reason to do the same with this property and that my tenancy here was safe. You assured me that I had nothing to worry about. Why, just two weeks later, has this changed?

About six months to a year after I moved in here, you had a conversation with me about how long I planned to stay here. You said you needed to know because of the mortgage and that if I was thinking of leaving anytime soon you wouldn’t be doing a particular mortgage deal as it would incur a fine. I said I planned on staying long term but that if you needed me to move out then I would go. You said that was fine, that you were happy to sign up for however many more years as long as I would stay the duration so that you wouldn’t incur a fine. You also said that if it ever came to it that you needed to sell a property, Millie’s would be the first to go as it was the last one you’d bought and it had a much bigger mortgage on it. As the deal with Millie was supposed to be that she was only getting that house because she would be buying it from you within two years, can I assume this has happened? If not, and I suspect it hasn’t, has she been given the same options as me, to leave her property or has she been given notice? 

While we’re on that subject, I’d like to ask you a question that I should have asked you over three years ago. Back in late 2011/early 2012, you told me you were looking to buy a new property to rent out and asked if I would be interested in renting from you. I said I would, as we had quite a few problems with our landlord at the time, and so we started looking at properties. You gave me a budget of £200,000 but wanted to spend no more than £180,000. We viewed several properties together and you put an offer in on a house. I took the kids to see it (with you), they picked out their bedrooms and made plans for how they would decorate. The next thing I hear, you’ve pulled out and decided that you won’t be buying a property after all, which left me and the kids very disappointed and concerned about the future in terms of our housing situation. However, just nine months after making that decision, you then purchased a house close to £280,000 (£100,000 more than what I was allowed to look for) for Millie and her family simply because they’d had enough of living next door to someone they didn’t like. (Who is actually really bloody lovely). I got offered Millie’s cast off with this house. A house that I have taken much better care of than Millie ever did and my repayment for taking care of the house, decorating it to improve the absolute shit pit that they left it in, always paying my rent when it’s due and generally being the perfect tenant, is to pay me off me to leave! Does this sound fair to you? I’m the only one of your daughters that’s never asked you for anything. Unfortunately, with receiving an email such as the one you sent me yesterday, it opened a can of worms, or rather years of hurt that I’ve tried to bury but clearly have failed to.

So, tell me this. Do you think it is fair that all those years ago when you sold your business, took us all out for dinner and handed us a cheque each for £5000, that it was acceptable to also say to each of us that whatever we all owed to you, you’d wipe the slate clean? At that point in time, Izzy owed you about £600, Sasha owed about £10,000, Millie owed £30,000 because you’d financed her business starting up and I owed you nothing! That was grossly unfair but it was what it was and as the daughter that always tried to keep the peace and be the only none greedy child, I said nothing, but it has eaten away at me for years, as have many other things regarding the unequal way of this family. Just so you know, I don’t want your money, I’m not saying any of this because of that reason, I’m saying it because these things work on a ripple effect that tend to last for long after the stone has been thrown, as I’m sure you know.. Anyway, your proposals:

1. I will not accept the offer of you selling the house to a new landlord as I can guarantee that as soon as they are legally able, they will either evict me or raise the rent to an extortionate amount. I will walk away from here with maybe £3000 (as per your 5% deal) which will do nothing to help me out.

2. I will not accept the offer of £20,000 to leave this property. While it may appear a generous offer, it will actually serve me little purpose. The benefits I receive have a clause that states that once you have over a certain amount in savings then you forfeit your benefits and while I don’t have dreams of staying on benefits forever, for the time being, I need to. Also, if I were to take the £20,000 deal I would have to find a new four or five bedroom property and would be paying at least an increase of £550 per month which I simply don’t have.  The alternative, of course, and I have discussed this with the older kids, is that out of the £20,000 pay off, I give Josh and Alice money for a deposit on their own places and Katie, Annie and I move into a smaller house but why should I have to lose my children before they’re ready to leave? Because they’re not ready. I asked them, in all seriousness, and Alice said that while she’d hope to leave in the next few years, she doesn’t want to go now, plus, as she only brings home £600 per month (and is entitled to no help) and Josh only earns £975 per month, I’d be giving them a really shitty start in life and I am not prepared to do that to my children, no matter what.

And so the only option I will be prepared to take is your final one; to stay here for the next five years but I would want something from you. I want a written agreement, through a solicitor, that states that you will not evict me before the five years is up. The reason I want this is because your promises to me, as stated at the top of this email and you going back on them if only in a query at this stage, have shaken my trust and my faith in you.”

I didn’t send it.

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