I started counselling with a woman called Amanda today. I thought I’d just go and talk a bit about Dad and the house move but once I started talking I couldn’t stop. For 50 minutes I just let out all the shit about Dad, Millie, the house hunting and Gary. It was unbelievable how much came out and how much I clearly had on my chest. From things that were said, Amanda wondered if I spend my life seeking approval and if I have a fear of being judged negatively. I guess the answer is yes.
Driving home, I suddenly got a sense of just how unhealthy my relationship with Gary really is and just how damaging it is to my emotional and mental health. Not enough of a realisation for me to break the ties though and that is definitely something I need to find out why.
