A Lesson In Trust

I have a bit of thing for spreadsheets and organising things so today, I decided to put my blog post titles on a spreadsheet in alphabetical order but found that there were a few I wasn’t sure of. I had major brain fog from giving up sugar yesterday and just couldn’t work it out. I decided to ask Gary as I thought he would know. I messaged him and said that I was having a complete brain fuck and couldn’t work it out. I asked him to alphabetise: Love, Love never forgets, Lovely day. He said it was love, lovely day, love never forgets and followed it up with ‘numb nuts!!Lol’

It really annoyed me. It felt so unnecessary to call me that, or call me anything, but I decided not to rise to it, instead I just thanked him. He then texted back and said, “And I’m in the pub after having a few pints!! Lol” ~ Another insult. So if he can work it out after a few pints I must be really dumb, was the implication. I still didn’t rise to it but did tell him about my brain fog. I then asked him what order these go in: A long time coming, Achille’s heel, An ending. He replied, “Achille’s heel, A long time coming, An ending.” I thanked him again and said, “Enjoy your pint.” He replied, “Thanks. Enjoy your stupidity!!Lol” And then, three insults later, I reacted. I asked why he had to be so nasty. I said I wasn’t stupid and he wasn’t to call me so. I also said that disguising it as a joke doesn’t make it any less spiteful. He reacted exactly as I expected. “Jeez, girl, take a fucking joke!!! Do you know what?  You’re obviously tired, so goodnight!” I replied, “I’m tired of your insults. Oh and by the way, when you call me stupid it makes me check out my stupidity. I should have done that first but thought I’d turn to you instead. I’ve just found a website that puts things into alphabetical order. I put in the words I gave you and you were fucking wrong! In fact, what I thought it was, was actually right! The irony! Enjoy your pint, along with your stupidity, numb nuts. Lol! Night.”

Predictably, he reacted. . . “Well that makes two of us that are tired then and no, I’m not incorrect. . . spaces shouldn’t be included, if using your brain rather than an app. Yeah, you have a pleasant night and weekend. . . you surely won’t wish to see me over the weekend as you’re tired of my ‘insults’. When you take that stick out of your arse, contact  me, but I doubt you ever will!!!”

His reaction to being proved wrong was the biggest joke of the night. I replied, “You are totally wrong and your reaction to being wrong is hilarious. Talk about an overreaction! And, predictably, more insults. I had no intention whatsoever of changing plans we’d made this weekend but as you’re being so reactive and resorting to insults yet again, you can contact me when you can be a normal, decent person who doesn’t need to insult and put someone down for not being sure of something. I won’t bother ever asking you for advice again, I’ll go to people that don’t have a need to try and make me feel stupid. By the way, I asked several of my friends, some intelligent, some who will admit to not being great with English/grammar, what order the words went in. They all wrote it the way I had written it originally and said yours was wrong, and that was them using their brains and not an app! I think the only stick that needs removing from anyone’s arse is the one that’s very firmly lodged in yours.” He replied, “Yeah, ok, bye”

And now, I’m sat here feeling great! Not because of any of our conversation but because this made me realise that I’m more capable than I thought. I honestly thought I was getting the alphabetical order wrong, I was getting really annoyed with myself for not knowing it and it turns out I did all along. It showed me exactly how much I need to trust myself and stop doubting myself, not only for silly meaningless things such as an alphabet but for the big things in life, like, thinking I’m wrong for feeling crap over his ‘jokes’ or for thinking that I’ll fuck everything up in life because my judgement is wrong, mainly with men. I suppose the biggest irony in all of this is the lesson that came out of it. I can trust my judgement and I can trust myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s