Gary keeps texting me on the evenings when he knows I don’t have Annie to ask what I’m doing. He did it last night but then the conversation carried on throughout the day today. He told me that he’s really mixed up, that he misses me every day but that each day changes as to why…sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s chatting to me and sometimes it’s just me being there. He said he knew I was a great girlfriend and that he was a prick for not being with me and that he cared for and loved me a great deal.
And then I weakened.
I told him how he’s hurting me and that trying to move on from him is the only thing I can do because I can’t tolerate the pain anymore. I told him I hated him being back on the dating site and I said I didn’t want him seeing other women. He asked what he’d get for agreeing to that and I asked him what he wanted. He said, “I would want the ‘little woman’…The one that dotes on me regardless of what I’m like. The one that will fulfil any wish in the bedroom. The one that will not challenge me in public…..I’m sure you understand what is meant by the ‘little woman’.“
I felt sick. I asked him if he meant the little woman who denies to you and herself how your behaviour makes her feel as long as you’re happy? Denies her own needs and panders to your every need and desire? I asked him what I’d get out of it if I agreed. He said, “You’d get me and my cock, full stop and as often as possible.” I then started asking him loads of questions to try to ascertain just what kind of person he really is and exactly what it is he really wants from a relationship but his answers weren’t as bad as I thought they were going to be and I started to get pulled round to the idea.
And now I don’t know what to do or even to think. On some level, this appeals to me and I hate myself for that.