Taking Charge and Letting Go

I sent this to Gary:

I’ve thought a great deal about what you said a couple of weeks ago about wanting the ‘little woman’ and while you say you were joking because of my questions, I don’t think you were. And that’s okay.

The last couple of months of us being apart have been eye-opening for me….I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed so much about you and about us and I want you back. Like you though, I don’t want the arguments which means one or both of us needs to change. If you change and become less dominant, I won’t fancy you at all. I love strong, dominant, protective men. So, I can see it is me that needs to change.

I’ve thought a great deal about the little woman thing and about our sex life and I can see the two are linked. You want to be respected as a man, to be in charge, to dominate and be in control and I want that too. It turns me on, on every level; sexually, mentally, emotionally. You make me feel aroused, safe, loved and cared for when you dominate me. I love feeling owned by you and I want you to possess me completely. So, if we get back together I would ask two things.

1. I want a dominant relationship where you’re in charge and I will do everything you ask of me. No questions asked. I trust you implicitly to know what’s best for us and for me. I trust that you won’t abuse your power but will do what’s right for us both to be happy and have a really good, satisfying relationship, on all levels. I value you immensely as a dominant, assertive man and if we agree on this and try again, I will not go back on my word. I will be your ‘little woman’ and will love you, cherish you, do as you ask and respect you. I will be 100% honest with you, even if it means I risk your anger. I won’t argue with you, I won’t make decisions for us or you unless you ask me to, I will not talk down to you in private or in public and I’ll make it my job to love and accept you as you are, with no expectation of change. I won’t complain. I won’t blame. I will just do what you want me to do. I can see that when I don’t have you dominating me, I feel out of control and unsafe and that’s when we argue.

2. I want you to completely delete your profile from the dating site, not just hide it, and commit to me 100%. No contacting women you’ve ‘met’ on there. Delete all their numbers and just be mine. Be 100% faithful and devoted to me, as I will be to you. This is the one and only thing I will ask of you but this is a must for us to stand a chance of working.

I’m not going to pressure you to make a decision or push you to get back together with me. You’re in charge of our destiny. I really do love you very much and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you feel loved and happy. I think we could make each other very happy in time, once we’ve both established our true places in our relationship.”

It feels totally right to be offering this. I’ve toyed with this idea on and off since meeting Gary and I’ve been reading up and researching sub/dom relationships. Out of all the men I’ve ever known, he weirdly makes me feel the safest and it’s his intense manliness that does this. I feel that it’s really time I embraced something I’ve fought all my life. Growing up with a mum who hated men and who wasn’t prepared to do anything a man told her has distorted my own feelings towards relationships but what I’ve always liked and craved is an immensely strong man who takes charge. It’s not fashionable to feel that way anymore. I live in an era where I should be campaigning for equality between the sexes but I don’t want to. I want to be submissive to my man. I won’t be his doormat and I won’t let him abuse me but I will allow him to be the ‘man’, to make all the decisions and step into his true gender power which in turn will give me the chance to step into mine.

All my life I’ve been forced into being strong, independent and more masculine than I ever wanted to be. With Gary taking over that role, I can explore what it’s really like to be feminine for the first time ever. It feels safe to do this with Gary, I know he’ll hold the reins so I can let go and I know he’ll catch me if I fall. I strongly believe that by giving him the space to be a ‘real man’ his self-esteem and self-worth will soar and he’ll be a better person for it too. He’s a man who likes to be in control and I respect that enough to let it happen. I, on the other hand, don’t ever want to be in control, I like just doing whatever comes my way or what I’m directed to do and this really should give us both the opportunity to see how this works out for us both as a full time, long term decision.

In the evening I heard back from Gary. He said he had some reservations about my offer. I thought he was going to say that he didn’t want to delete his profile but what he said, shocked me. He said that he didn’t want me to become a wet lettuce who just did everything he said. He said he liked me being sassy, sarcastic and witty. What a surprise! I said that would never go away as it was a big part of who I am so he said that he’d like to discuss the terms of my surrender but that him deleting his dating site profile, he would do. He then reiterated that I was not to surrender completely and that he liked me to have some fight in me. He then called me Beautiful, something he hasn’t done for a very long time, and told me he loved me

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