Last night I dreamt that I won the lottery. A huge amount. Enough to set us up for life. In the dream, Alice had also won but not as much as I had. It really was a massive amount and I realised that all my concerns would now vanish. I think this all relates to the decision that’s been made about Gary. It is very true to say that the ‘arrangement’ we have discussed makes me feel very safe and secure and is no doubt something that stems from a childhood that lacked those feelings. It’s as if the dream is saying that by embracing this kind of lifestyle with Gary, I will feel the richness that my life has always lacked before and all my concerns will vanish.
This is all the confirmation I need that I’m doing the right thing. Not that I doubted it anyway, it’s felt right since I first suggested it. I need him. I need his strength, his masculinity and I need his control and so I’m going to embrace this fully and see just what can come of it. Richness, depth, great feelings of love and security and hopefully, inner peace and peace of mind.
Today, I started a healthy eating plan as Gary asked. I’m going to cut out all wheat, dairy and sugar and I’m going to start exercising. This morning I weighed and measured myself and started a photographic journal of my weightloss so I can really see if I’m making improvements.