I had a small moment of doubt about this thing with Gary earlier. Very small, hardly worth mentioning but some good came out of it. I realised that this, just like everything I’ve done, is a part of my growth. Letting go of all control and allowing someone else to control aspects of my life, willingly, is just something I need to do right now. It’s giving me the safety I crave and the peace of mind I need at the moment.
I also realised that in doing so, I could lose my identity to a degree. I won’t be who I am all the time I’m being who Gary wants me to be but in being someone else, I have the opportunity to discover new parts of myself that I maybe haven’t known before or been courageous enough to let develop. As always, I have to trust that this is the right thing for me, right now and that if and when it’s no longer right, something new will present itself to me. I never thought I would agree to someone else controlling me, let alone suggesting it but it feels very right, right now which can only mean that there has to be something in there for me. A treasure chest of growth waiting to be discovered.