At Loggerheads

When Gary and I discussed a new way our relationship could work, it was agreed that we would talk about it face to face, discuss the ins and outs and then Gary would delete his profile from the dating site. We haven’t seen each other since then to discuss things and yet Gary has already been texting me with various things he wants me to start doing including wearing hold-ups every time I see him, losing weight and toning my body and doing pelvic floor exercises. I started doing them but tonight when he messaged to ask what exercise I’d done and I said none as it was too hot, he replied, “It wasn’t hot this morning and I’ve driven past loads of joggers on my way home! Even so, you can do your pelvic floor whilst you sit doing other things.”

So it doesn’t matter that our agreement hasn’t even started, or that I’ve done yoga, swimming, walking, pelvic floor strengthening, given up wheat and sugar and feel exhausted from the withdrawals of those foods, all he focuses on is the one day I did nothing purely because we’re in the middle of a heatwave.

And yet, despite me starting before our arrangement begins, he is still on the dating site every single day. I’m not annoyed with him for being on the site still, but I am really fucking angry with him that he’s already expecting me to stick to what he wants before we’ve even begun but he’s changed nothing. As usual with him, double standards. So, from now on I’m going to tell him I’ve not done anything and I’m going to tell him I’m not going to do anything until the agreement begins and he deletes his profile. What he won’t know is that I will be continuing with the healthy eating and exercise but I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for me because I want to feel good about the way I look. This was never really for him anyway, it was always about just needing someone to push me to do the things that I can’t stick to but he’s not getting away with chastising me when he’s still talking to other women, although he’s currently denying that he’s talking to anyone.

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