A More Realistic View

I gave some thought to my compatibility results from yesterday. In reality, so many of the things that I listed don’t really matter that much to me. I don’t care that much whether a man loves to read or write or whether he’s into the arts. I mean, it would be nice to be able to do things together, to have a shared interest such as art galleries or music concerts but in reality, they are not deal breakers and actually, having some differences makes for an interesting world so tonight I went through the list and got rid of everything that’s not that important and kept only the stuff that is and then I recalculated everyone’s scores. (And took into consideration that the person I am now is not the person I was when I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, nor will it be who I am in my 50s, 60s etc therefore the scoring from, say when I was with Danny, can’t be that accurate because back then mostly I cared about having fun and lots of sex. In my 40s, I care about many different things ~ an interesting, deep conversation, a mutual attraction, equality, fun and love.

  • Doesn’t smoke 
  • Doesn’t take drugs 
  • Only drinks on a night out  
  • Doesn’t go out more than once a fortnight drinking 
  • Accepts and love me however I look 
  • Notices when I make an effort and dress up 
  • Must shower at least once a day 
  • I must feel a physical attraction towards him 
  • Sensitive to how I feel 
  • Must be affectionate  
  • Must like own space at times 
  • Must give me own space at times 
  • Must treat me as an equal 
  • Must respect me as a woman and not see me as less than him
  • Supportive and encouraging of my dreams 
  • Kind towards me at all times
  • Expresses emotions healthily 
  • Says I love you often 
  • Committed to me and shows that commitment 
  • Emotionally mature 
  • Doesn’t play games 
  • Makes effort to spend quality time with me regularly 
  • Faithful and devoted 
  • Makes our relationship a priority and views it as something sacred in his life 
  • Not jealous, possessive or clingy 
  • Kind and loving 
  • Confident, high self-esteem, comfortable in himself 
  • Accepting of all, regardless of race, religion, gender, sexuality, etc
  • Great sense of humour, inappropriate 
  • Loves to laugh and have fun 
  • Positive and happy, deep down 
  • Down to earth
  • Sensitive
  • Is liked by others 
  • Enjoys the odd wild night out dancing, partying
  • Enjoys nights in 
  • Polite 
  • Averagely educated or above
  • Supports and encourages home education 
  • Enjoys regular sex, at least 2-3 times a week
  • Doesn’t make sex the most important thing in the relationship 
  • Views sex as a way to share love 
  • Is able and wants to receive pleasure 
  • Is able and wants to give pleasure 
  • Sensual, romantic, tender lover some of the time 
  • Wild, insatiable, adventurous lover some of the time 
  • Strokes, caresses, teases, kisses 
  • Cares about afterplay/cuddling 
  • Easily aroused 
  • No sexual hangups
  • Isn’t into anal, hardcore BDSM etc 
  • Comfortable with his own body 
  • Accepts and loves my body 
  • Wants to talk in person or on phone more than texting 
  • Loves to hold deep, meaningful conversations 
  • Tells me in a healthy way when he’s upset 
  • Calm, patient and rarely shouts or loses temper
  • Good listener 
  • Shares himself, his life, his past easily 
  • Open to honest and very open discussion 
  • Willing to discuss problems  
  • Willing to work through communication to fix any problems
  • Doesn’t blame but takes responsibility for his own shit and/or feelings
  • Tells me what’s going on for him and what he’s feeling 
  • Open and accepting of my feelings 
  • Not abusive at all, no name calling included  


  • Financially responsible 
  • Not work obsessed 
  • Puts 100% into his work while doing it 
  • Not obsessed with money 
  • Willing for our money to be shared and equal 
  • Not threatened by my financial situation whether I’m earning more or less than him
  • Doesn’t use money as a weapon 
  • Honest 
  • Doesn’t gamble 


  • Can see his own shortcomings and willing to work on them
  • Makes concrete changes 
  • Family orientated and accepts, respects and loves my children 


  • Optimistic, positive attitude to life 
  • Embraces all that life brings his way 
  • Gains as much from the negative parts of life as the positive 
  • Sees everything as an opportunity to learn and grow 
  • Compassionate towards anyone less fortunate than himself 
  • Respectful of all living things 


  • Enjoys films/cinema 
  • Has own hobbies and pursues them often 
  • Supportive of my hobbies 

So now the score would be a maximum of 440 and overall:
Gary  232/440 = 52%
Phil 393/440 = 89%
Tom 225/440 = 51%
Greg 257/440 = 58%
Danny 344/440 = 78%

And that feels more right because although I loved Tom more than Gary, he was even harder to be with. Again, Phil is by far the most compatible so if I could find someone in the future who has the kindness, sensitivity, love and acceptance of Phil with the attraction I felt with the others and a sense of humour, sense of fun but emotionally mature, that would be great! Maybe I’m asking too much and maybe I’ll have to wait and see what happens because for me, what always determines things, in the end, is chemistry because without that, I’m not sure you have much, no matter how high the scores.

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