I was supposed to go on a second date with Mark tonight but I decided against it. Endless talk of wanting to fuck me turned me right off him. I want so much more than a man that can only think as far as his sexual needs and if that’s the only hand he can show me, then I’m done.
I also let another man know that I wouldn’t be meeting up with him. Rob was a man that I messaged originally because his profile made me laugh but over the course of a few days, it became apparent that Rob had incredibly low self-esteem as was looking for someone else to fix him. He was Phil all over again. He kept texting me telling me he just wanted to hold me and cuddle me. It was desperate behaviour and when I said he needed to work on his self-esteem, he said that I could do that by telling him what’s good about him. Instead, I told him that I would not get into anything with someone who didn’t even believe in themselves as it would be disastrous.
There was another man I’ve been speaking to – Michael. I stopped all chat with him today too telling him I didn’t feel we had enough in common. To be honest, I don’t know if we did or not as we hadn’t talked enough in-depth. All the conversation had been jokey but with the odd worrying line thrown in such as, “I’m going to delete my dating profile now I’ve met you” and “I think you’re amazing, I love you.” Desperate. Worrying. Not happening.
And so, being on a dating site is doing to me what it does every single time. It makes me see that so many men are not emotionally ready for a real relationship ~ nowhere near but also that I’m not even sure I want a relationship. I have moments when I think I do but then I start the dating game; the meaningless chats, having to meet up for dates which I can’t be arsed to do and I realise that I’m happy enough doing my own thing with the kids or enjoying my own company and I don’t really want to change that. I’m going to keep my profile on the site for now because there’s one more man I’m talking to that so far hasn’t given me any red flags but I won’t be replying to anyone else that messages me unless they are physically attractive to me, intelligent and emotionally healthy. That will show up in a first message, of that I’m confident and if it doesn’t happen then my life really won’t be any worse off for it because it’s great already. This time, it’s got to be perfect – perfect for me – or not at all.