Last night I laid in bed and was a bit worried about not having the instant magnetic attraction to Harry that I had with Gary and Tom but I know that attraction was never based on a healthy attraction, always just unhealed trauma from my childhood. What I have with Harry so far is gentler and has the potential to be something real and healthy.
This morning I felt compelled to look on Phil’s Facebook wall. I haven’t done that for a while. I was surprised to find that I felt crap about him and saw something I haven’t seen before – he’s really disrespectful about and his girlfriend, Carol I then thought about Gary and the utterly shit relationship we had. I totally revisited both men and in that moment, I felt myself let go of them both a little bit more and at the same time, my heart opened a little bit more to who Harry is. That feeling hasn’t dissipated all day, it’s only increased until now, hours later, I’m at the point where I can’t wait to see him for our next date. The future is looking a little bit brighter.