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Tag: Childhood Conditioning

The Attraction of Physical Contact

My weekend to myself seems such a long time ago and yet it was only 24 hours ago that I … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, EMDR, Emotional Needs, manipulation, narcissism, needs, physical touch, Psychotherapy, Sex, Therapy, toxic relationship

Loving Men Doesn’t Come Easily

What I thought was going to be a time in my life where I learn to love again, I now … More

Childhood Conditioning, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Love, Misandry, Relationship

Imperfectly Perfect

I went to Linda’s for a massage today, after I’d got over a couple of hours of anxiety about being … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Fear, friend, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Imperfection, loving parent, Psychotherapy, Relationship, self love, Therapy, Unconditional Love, vulnerable

Conflicting Beliefs

When I was growing up I clearly remember a lot of times when I was told by my mum,  ‘You … More

Childhood Conditioning, Comfort Zone, Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Parenting, questionning, Self Awareness, Self Discovery

Beyond Selfish

I am exhausted. I am so tired I could drop. I feel drained on every level and so tonight, after … More

Anger, Boundaries, Childhood Conditioning, Diarist, Diary, needs, personal needs, Selfishness, Stress, Toxic Parent

Scraping the Surface

I saw my counsellor for the second time today. She asked how my week had been and if I knew … More

Anger, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Comfort Eating, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Shutdown, emptiness, Grief, Healing Journey, Healing Process, inner child, sadness, Therapy, Toxic Parent

Letting Go Again

Alice asked to talk with me today. She mentioned how hard it is seeing her boyfriend Jack as they don’t … More

Boundaries, Childhood Conditioning, Diarist, Diary, Letting Go, Parenting, Personal Growth

Against The Wall

I’m really restless and stressed this morning. There’s a workman here replacing the broken gate and that makes me uptight. … More

anxiety, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Comfort Zone, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Needs, Fear, judgement, Love, masturbation, orgasm, personal responsibility, Relationship Anxiety, Sex, Stress, Transitioning

Paralysed By A Label

Growing up I soon learned my ‘label.’ My older sister, Millie was ‘The Clever One’ and I was ‘The Pretty … More

Childhood Conditioning, childhood labels, Diarist, Diary, labels, Self Awareness

Wheel of Choice

One of my fondest memories of my childhood is from when I was about 6 or 7.  I was in … More

Childhood Conditioning, Choice, Diarist, Diary, Self Awareness

Accepting & Embracing

I spent this evening scanning in all the photos and mementoes from some of the boxes Mum lent me of … More

Acceptance, Childhood Conditioning, Diarist, Diary, Physical Attraction, Relationship, Self Awareness

Invalidated

We decided to spend the bank holiday having a barbecue. As we knew Tom would be at a loose end … More

Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Confidence, Diarist, Diary, Golden Child, Invalidation, narcissism, Self Awareness, Unconditional Love, Worthless

The Foundations of Self Esteem

When Josh was a baby, I started writing books for him throughout his childhood and continued doing the same when … More

Childhood Conditioning, Diarist, Diary, Parenting, Self Awareness, Self Esteem, Single Parent, Unconditional Love

Live Up To My Potential

Phil is annoying me so much. I’m sick of his bullshit, I don’t believe him. I don’t think he’s genuine, … More

Childhood Conditioning, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Friends, Personal Potential, personal power, Relationship, Self Awareness

Instinctively Confused

I just knew today was going to be a testing day. I slept really badly, a combination of my back … More

Childhood Conditioning, Counselling, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Intuition, Personal Growth, Relationship, Responsibility, Therapy, Trust

Weight of The World

When I left Tom I had no choice but to apply for financial assistance in the form of some benefits. … More

Abuse, anxiety, Boundaries, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, control, Diarist, Diary, Family, Fear, Healing Process, Money, narcissism, Parenting, Parents, Personal Growth, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Single Parent, Stress, Trauma Bonding

Letter To James

A few weeks ago when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch … More

Abuse, Blame, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Processing, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Therapy, Trust, Writing

Delving Into Money

The counselling is really making me look at and question every aspect of my life. It’s forcing me to delve … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Family, Financial Abuse, Healing Process, Money, narcissism, Parents, Personal Growth, Relationship, Therapy

Stronger

I’m not sure if it’s five or six weeks of seeing the psychotherapist but I do know that I am … More

Abuse, Change, Childhood Conditioning, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, inner strength, narcissism, Parents, Personal Growth, Relationship, Therapy

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