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Tag: Childhood Trauma

Counselling Tears & Truths

I had another counselling session today but I really didn’t want to go. All morning I kept thinking of excuses … More

Abuse, Alone, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Fear, healthy man, Loneliness, narcissism, Psychotherapy, Relationship, Therapy, toxic relationship

The Attraction of Physical Contact

My weekend to myself seems such a long time ago and yet it was only 24 hours ago that I … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, EMDR, Emotional Needs, manipulation, narcissism, needs, physical touch, Psychotherapy, Sex, Therapy, toxic relationship

An Unexpected Storm

I’ve been trying to work through the list that I wrote in April when I purged through a ton of … More

Anger, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Healing Journey, Healing Process, narcissism, Toxic Parent

Time To Find The Positives

I barely slept last night, I tossed and turned, I woke constantly. I kept waking in fear that someone had … More

anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, negativity, positivity, Toxic Parent

Imperfectly Perfect

I went to Linda’s for a massage today, after I’d got over a couple of hours of anxiety about being … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Fear, friend, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Imperfection, loving parent, Psychotherapy, Relationship, self love, Therapy, Unconditional Love, vulnerable

Friends Like These

Sometimes something sneaks up on me and takes me completely by surprise. Something that I think I’ve dealt with and … More

Acceptance, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Friends, inner child, Love, personal development, Personal Growth, Rejection, Self Awareness, unloved, vulnerable, Worthless

My Father’s Playground

At my counselling session today, we talked a bit about Tom and my Dad. I told her how angry I … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Relationship, self-defence

Emotional Substitutes

At counselling today we talked about Phil and a little about Tom. On the way to counselling, Tom, who had … More

Alone, childhood neglect, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, emptiness, Healing Journey, Healing Process, inner child, Letting Go, Neglect, Parents, Physical Attraction, Relationship, Self Awareness, Therapy, Toxic Parent, Unconditional Love

Balancing

I saw Pam, the counsellor again today. Pam wanted to continue what we’d started with Mum last time. She said … More

Anger, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Parenting, self love, Therapy

Understanding

After putting off seeing Mum and being two weeks late for Mother’s Day, I finally went round there today. I … More

Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Understanding

Butterflies

I’ve had a headache ever since I wrote Purging. I’ve had anxiety butterflies, I constantly feel sick, my skin feels … More

anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Dream, Dream Interpretation, nervous energy

Purging

Mum always used to cook a roast dinner on a Sunday. Every week she would passively-aggressively slam cupboards, pans, plates … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Covert Narcissism, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Neglect, Responsibility, Sexual Assault, Shame

Scraping the Surface

I saw my counsellor for the second time today. She asked how my week had been and if I knew … More

Anger, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Comfort Eating, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Shutdown, emptiness, Grief, Healing Journey, Healing Process, inner child, sadness, Therapy, Toxic Parent

Against The Wall

I’m really restless and stressed this morning. There’s a workman here replacing the broken gate and that makes me uptight. … More

anxiety, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Comfort Zone, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Needs, Fear, judgement, Love, masturbation, orgasm, personal responsibility, Relationship Anxiety, Sex, Stress, Transitioning

Judgement Healing

This morning I woke feeling much better than I have for the last few weeks. I felt positive, balanced and … More

anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Communication, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Healing Process, Hypothyroidism, inner child, judgement, loving parent, music, Self Awareness, Sing

Resistance is Futile

The last few days have been so difficult, I feel sick constantly, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep,  I have … More

abandonment, anxiety, childhood labels, Childhood Trauma, conscious decision, Counselling, Golden Child, Healing Process, Loneliness, Love, Parenting, Personal Potential, Relationship, Sex, spiritual awakening, Therapy, Toxic Parent, Unconditional Love

Open Doors

It was Uncle Kevin’s funeral today. I didn’t want to go. All week I’ve been dreading it, I just cannot … More

Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, funeral, Grief, judgement, Self Awareness, Unconditional Love

Invalidated

We decided to spend the bank holiday having a barbecue. As we knew Tom would be at a loose end … More

Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Confidence, Diarist, Diary, Golden Child, Invalidation, narcissism, Self Awareness, Unconditional Love, Worthless

Missing Mojo

I’ve lost my mojo. I’ve spent the past few days searching everywhere I can think of but its nowhere to … More

Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process

Deep

When you have a counselling session that goes quite deep it can leave you feeling a little bit like you’re … More

Childhood Trauma, Choice, Coping Mechanism, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Neglect, Emotional Trigger, Gaslighting, Healing Process, inner child, narcissism, Physical Abuse, Relationship, Self Awareness, Self Harm, Self Protection, Stress, Therapy, trauma, unheard, Unlovable, Verbal Abuse, Writing

What Love Isn’t

I replied to an email from my friend, Rachel today about her abusive ex and the new man in her … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Neglect, Healing Process, Love, Personal Growth

Russian Dolls

At my counselling session today Sam gave me a set of Russian Dolls and asked me to take them home … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Family, Gaslighting, Healing Process, narcissism, Parents, Personal Growth, Therapy

Weight of The World

When I left Tom I had no choice but to apply for financial assistance in the form of some benefits. … More

Abuse, anxiety, Boundaries, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, control, Diarist, Diary, Family, Fear, Healing Process, Money, narcissism, Parenting, Parents, Personal Growth, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Single Parent, Stress, Trauma Bonding

Letter To James

A few weeks ago when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch … More

Abuse, Blame, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Processing, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Therapy, Trust, Writing

The Pink Blanket

When I was a little girl I used to escape from a painful childhood by retreating to my bedroom and … More

Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Family, Friends, Grief, Healing Process, Parents

The Children Suffer Too

For the last year of living with Tom, Katie would come home from school, go straight to her bedroom and … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Verbal Abuse

The 1000 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle

I had another dream last night. My dreams lately are really interesting and are telling me a great deal. I … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Comfort Eating, Depression, Diarist, Diary, Dream, Family, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Parents, Personal Growth, Rejection, Relationship

Oppression

I had a dream last night that really disturbed me. As the day has gone on, the feelings have become … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Dream, Dream Interpretation, Family, Healing Process, narcissism, oppression, Parents, Personal Growth, Relationship

Delving Into Money

The counselling is really making me look at and question every aspect of my life. It’s forcing me to delve … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Family, Financial Abuse, Healing Process, Money, narcissism, Parents, Personal Growth, Relationship, Therapy

Dismissed

My psychotherapist, James, says that I dismiss myself. Maybe I do but when did it start? I know that Tom … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Loneliness, narcissism, Parents, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Awareness, Self Discovery, Therapy

Controlled

Despite what the counsellor said about me being negative, I’m starting to have doubts. I think she was wrong. Maybe … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, control, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Abuse, Financial Abuse, Housework, Parenting, Relationship, Sex, Therapy, Verbal Abuse

Seeing The Negatives

I had another counselling session today and have come to realise that the way I am with Tom is becoming … More

Abuse, Change, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Parents, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Awareness, Therapy

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