After deciding that we would go on a date together, Michael and I talked about where but then Linda suggested … More
Tag: Diarist
Tom’s Legacy
My friendship with Linda has become really close lately and we share a lot of personal stuff with each other. … More
Why Fix Something That Isn’t Broken?
I’m having some more fears coming up today about meeting Michael. I’m not worried about him, per se, I’m concerned … More
Feeling Overwhelmed
Linda is making me feel really overwhelmed although I guess I’m feeling it anyway with Michael agreeing to a date … More
Dating Anxiety
Linda’s brother, Michael and I have been texting for the last month and recently, I suggested we actually meet up … More
Embrace Yourself
I gave Colin a lift home this morning so he didn’t have to get soaked in the rain. Instead of … More
An Unexpected Storm
I’ve been trying to work through the list that I wrote in April when I purged through a ton of … More
Fear of Love
I went to Linda’s this morning and she said something that has resonated on a deep level and drove me … More
Acts of Love
I’m tired and melancholy today. The massage I had the other day, coupled with a heavy, painful period is working … More
Time To Find The Positives
I barely slept last night, I tossed and turned, I woke constantly. I kept waking in fear that someone had … More
Imperfectly Perfect
I went to Linda’s for a massage today, after I’d got over a couple of hours of anxiety about being … More
Time to Deal with Dad
Last night I dreamt that I am driving a motor home but instead of there being a steering wheel, there … More
Me Me Me
I’ve just had a conversation with Karen which was all about a challenging situation she’s going through at the moment. … More
Assumptions and Lies
I told a lie today, it’s not something that happens very often but I couldn’t face telling the truth and … More
A Lesson in Judgement
I had a conversation today with my friend, Colin, who I really love and value but his comments made me … More
My Son, My Saviour
I woke in such a great mood today. My energy has been high all week; a combination of connecting with … More
Permission to Grieve
Sunday 7th September 2003 at 7pm is one of those dates and times that is etched in my mind and … More
The Nitty Gritty of You
My Darling, My Future Love, As I sit here on this warm September afternoon I think about you yet I … More
Nostalgia
Katie and Annie went back to school this morning. I got up early enough to see Josh before he went … More
September Song
September has always felt more like a beginning than at any other time of the year. Probably it stems from … More
Not Settling
I deleted my account from the dating site today. It wasn’t right, as I knew it wouldn’t be. I looked … More
On Yer Bike
Yet again, for probably the fourth time this year, I’ve decided to join a dating site. I don’t know if … More
The Pull
Despite Phil being in a relationship with someone else for the last six months, he offered me sex tonight. We … More
Stepping Stones
Phil emailed me last night to tell me that he’d had a meeting with his bosses to discuss the job … More
Conflicting Beliefs
When I was growing up I clearly remember a lot of times when I was told by my mum, ‘You … More
Beyond Selfish
I am exhausted. I am so tired I could drop. I feel drained on every level and so tonight, after … More
Friends Like These
Sometimes something sneaks up on me and takes me completely by surprise. Something that I think I’ve dealt with and … More
The Gift I Gave
This time four years ago today, I was lying on a mattress on the floor of my new house for … More
Truth and Lies
Today I got the answer to my question from both Phil and Tom. Tom refused to answer. He said we … More
Hardened
I’ve become hardened. The lack of love in my life is hardening me. I remember when I was with Phil, … More
Saving The World
I’ve had a lot of problems with Katie’s school this week. I have thrown myself into trying to resolve the … More
The Slightest Change
My mood has been quite low today. My lack of positivity made my day harder than it needed to be … More
Setting Boundaries
I had my last counselling session with Pam today. Tom and Josh had a very heated argument in my house … More
Inner Strength
After dropping Annie off at school, all the mums went into Karen’s for a catch up after the weekend. Whilst … More
My Father’s Playground
At my counselling session today, we talked a bit about Tom and my Dad. I told her how angry I … More
TimeLine
I asked myself a question today which ended up being very thought-provoking. ‘How much of my past have I allowed … More
Emotional Substitutes
At counselling today we talked about Phil and a little about Tom. On the way to counselling, Tom, who had … More
Learning To Embrace The Wild
A series of thoughts throughout the morning led me on a trail of self-discovery that I needed to go on … More
Free Fall
I had an interesting conversation with Tom today. I told him how I felt yesterday in TGIs, how sad it … More
Magical Inspiration
Katie has been mad about the Harry Potter films for ages so today I booked to take her, Alice and … More
Balancing
I saw Pam, the counsellor again today. Pam wanted to continue what we’d started with Mum last time. She said … More
Powerless
While dropping Annie at Tom’s today, Tom and I had a conversation about his ex girlfriend. He said he doesn’t … More
Understanding
After putting off seeing Mum and being two weeks late for Mother’s Day, I finally went round there today. I … More
Butterflies
I’ve had a headache ever since I wrote Purging. I’ve had anxiety butterflies, I constantly feel sick, my skin feels … More
Purging
Mum always used to cook a roast dinner on a Sunday. Every week she would passively-aggressively slam cupboards, pans, plates … More
Scraping the Surface
I saw my counsellor for the second time today. She asked how my week had been and if I knew … More
Letting Go Again
Alice asked to talk with me today. She mentioned how hard it is seeing her boyfriend Jack as they don’t … More
Against The Wall
I’m really restless and stressed this morning. There’s a workman here replacing the broken gate and that makes me uptight. … More
Judgement Healing
This morning I woke feeling much better than I have for the last few weeks. I felt positive, balanced and … More
The First Stage of Grief
I paid for a course on relationship anxiety yesterday and started watching the first video today. Only four minutes into … More
Rescue Me
I’ve had a really introspective day today. I was really tired and could feel my mood dropping lower and lower … More
Flawed
Since letting go of Tom, I’ve been taking a long hard look at myself and seeing that I am actually … More
The End Of The World
Last night I dreamt . . . I am stood alone, but aware of people somewhere around me, in the … More
The Day I Acted On My Intuition
After dropping the kids to school this morning, I suddenly got the strongest intuitive sense that I needed to have … More
Unconventional
I went into Karen’s this morning for a quick catch up. It was our normal chatting about nothing in particular … More
A Physical Lifeline
One day last week I had an urge to see my cousin. I went into town today and coincidentally, bumped … More
And Yet Still
Annie and I decided to take Jasper for a walk and then go on to Mum’s. When Tom rang to … More
An Unexpected Compliment
I went for breakfast with Karen and Sam today. While there we chatted about friends and their values. I said … More
Bruised
I haven’t had any contact with Phil for about a month now and I’ve barely thought about him in that … More
Exploration
I’ve always regarded myself as a homebody, someone who is happiest to be at home, doing my own thing and … More
Learning To Say No
We went to Millie’s today, she’d invited us over to take Jasper so their new puppy, Rex could learn to … More
Paralysed By A Label
Growing up I soon learned my ‘label.’ My older sister, Millie was ‘The Clever One’ and I was ‘The Pretty … More
Wheel of Choice
One of my fondest memories of my childhood is from when I was about 6 or 7. I was in … More
Best Friend
On the first day of 2014, I wrote, as one of my answers in a family questionnaire, that Phil was … More
Slipping Away
This evening Tom came over to bring Annie back from his. Annie left the room and Tom suddenly blurted out … More
Self Contained
More and more I’m starting to realise that I’m a selfish person but the realisation isn’t actually bothering me. There … More
A Long-Awaited Apology
This morning, I laid in bed in that in-between state of not asleep but not quite awake either and I … More
Open Doors
It was Uncle Kevin’s funeral today. I didn’t want to go. All week I’ve been dreading it, I just cannot … More
Centred in The Self
Phil texted me tonight, wanting to talk. He told me he’d done a mediation and he’d realised that the last … More
Drained
I feel drained. Not because of Christmas or all the work that goes with it but because of Tom. The … More
The Right Choice
Phil rang up tonight to talk about giving me a birthday present. I asked him not to give me anything but … More
Acknowledging & Letting Go
When Tom came over to see the kids tonight we got talking, just the two of us. We were talking … More
A Harsh Reminder
This afternoon I received some very sad news. My uncle Kevin died today, he was 67 years old. It’s heartbreaking … More
Crave
I feel really tearful today. I’m sat in bed feeling very tired, agitated and completely unable to relax. Since Phil … More
Weakening
Phil emailed me for the first time since he ended things. I can’t help thinking he did it because he … More
Letting In
It turns out that letting go, when you make up your mind to do it and then just get on … More
The Trouble With Letting Go
I’m having a big lesson in letting go today. For the last three years I have held on to bags … More
Leech
This morning I’ve been in a great mood. I’ve felt light, happy, energetic and positive and then my Dad turned … More
A Reminder
I’ve spent the last couple of days ill with a bad cold. I got virtually no sleep on Friday night … More
I’m Sorry
This morning, while drying myself after my shower, I managed to pull a muscle in my back. It was painful … More
The Hug
On Friday night I dropped and broke my phone, it had been messing around anyway so not a massive loss … More
It’s Over
Phil sent me an email tonight, “We need to talk. I am not prepared to have a relationship with an … More
Accepting & Embracing
I spent this evening scanning in all the photos and mementoes from some of the boxes Mum lent me of … More
The Other Half
Yesterday continued to be a complete washout. After writing, I fell asleep for an hour then went off to get … More
Free Time Failure
It’s been weeks and weeks since I last had a Saturday night/Sunday to myself. Last weekend Annie and the girls … More
The Half Life
If ever I needed an answer to my many questions it was now. If ever there was such a thing … More
The Ripple Effect
I heard about a crash that occurred this morning about fifteen miles from me. A man had driven into two … More
Fright Night
It’s Halloween, the scariest day of the year! To mark the occasion I started the day off facing some of … More
I Love Him Not
I spent the day organising a load of clutter to put on eBay. I’m hoping to start building up enough … More
The Continuation of Conflicted Feelings
My feelings for Phil have changed, yet again. How many times does this have to happen before I act on … More
Compulsive Intuition
Over the last few weeks, something has been building that feels so right. It feels exciting. When I left Tom, … More
Doubts & Fears
I’m still having some doubts about whether I feel enough for Phil or not. These fears never go away fully … More
Acceptance
I went to Phil’s last night despite my feelings earlier in the day, actually because of them. I needed to … More
I Love Him, I Love Him Not
I woke up missing Phil but that changed shortly afterwards to doubts again. I don’t know why they’ve started up … More
Quantum Leap
I used to watch a program called Quantum Leap. The main character, Sam, would leap from year to year and … More
Yes
I spent the day with Phil, wrapped up in bed. One day we may do something other than stay in … More
Invalidated
We decided to spend the bank holiday having a barbecue. As we knew Tom would be at a loose end … More
Broken
I missed Phil like mad all day today. I was longing to see him, to snuggle in his arms and … More
Relationship Anxiety
I did a ton of research on Google today and came up with some very interesting stuff on relationship anxiety … More
