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Awareness – Intuition – Healing – Personal Growth – Becoming

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Tag: Personal Growth

Escapism

Last night I had a dream that woke me up like no dream has in a long time. It made … More

Compatability, Diarist, Diary, Dream, Escapism, Intuition, narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Awareness

The First No

Gary came around tonight and we got in straight in bed to watch a DVD. We hadn’t been watching for … More

Boundaries, Diarist, Diary, personal boundaries, Personal Growth, Relationship, Setting Boundaries, toxic relationship

Reverting Back To Type

Last night, Gary sent me a message asking if I’d missed him as we haven’t seen each other since Sunday. … More

Abuse, Boundaries, Compatability, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, narcissism, Personal Growth, personal responsibility, Relationship, Responsibility, Self Awareness, toxic relationship, Verbal Abuse

Filling A Void

I’ve just had a moment of clarity . . .  I don’t wholesomely love Gary. There is chemistry between us, … More

Diarist, Diary, emptiness, independence, intimacy, Love, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Awareness, Selfishness

That Old Devil Called Love

Tom went home to see his family on Boxing Day and came back tonight. He wanted to see Annie but … More

Diarist, Diary, Loneliness, lonely, Personal Growth, Self Awareness

The Resting Period

I had an epiphany today. It was helped by having a conversation with my friend, Ruth.  We spoke of the … More

Change, Diarist, Diary, Letting Go, Personal Growth

Missing Him?

I kind of miss Phil today, really miss him. It’s odd and I’m not sure why I feel this way. … More

Diarist, Diary, intimacy, Personal Growth, Relationship

Me Me Me

I’ve just had a conversation with Karen which was all about a challenging situation she’s going through at the moment. … More

Diarist, Diary, narcissism, Personal Growth, Self Awareness, Selfishness

Permission to Grieve

Sunday 7th September 2003 at 7pm is one of those dates and times that is etched in my mind and … More

Diarist, Diary, Grief, Healing Journey, Healing Process, limiting beliefs, loss, Love, Personal Growth

On Yer Bike

Yet again, for probably the fourth time this year, I’ve decided to join a dating site. I don’t know if … More

Best Friend, Dating, Dating Anxiety, Dating Site, Diarist, Diary, friend, Personal Growth, Relationship Anxiety

Friends Like These

Sometimes something sneaks up on me and takes me completely by surprise. Something that I think I’ve dealt with and … More

Acceptance, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Friends, inner child, Love, personal development, Personal Growth, Rejection, Self Awareness, unloved, vulnerable, Worthless

I’m Ready

Since the four year anniversary of leaving Tom two days ago, I’ve really felt as though a line has been … More

diairst, Diary, Love, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Awareness, Unconditional Love

The Gift I Gave

This time four years ago today, I was lying on a mattress on the floor of my new house for … More

Diarist, Diary, Personal Growth, Self Awareness

Passions & Dreams

I started reading a book that includes an online workbook to help find your passion and dreams to aid you … More

Career, Counselling, Friends, lifecoach, passion, Personal Growth, questionning, Self Awareness

TimeLine

I asked myself a question today which ended up being very thought-provoking. ‘How much of my past have I allowed … More

Balance, Choice, Diarist, Diary, Healing Journey, Healing Process, negativity, Personal Growth, personal power, positivity, Self Awareness, timeline, transformation

Magical Inspiration

Katie has been mad about the Harry Potter films for ages so today I booked to take her, Alice and … More

Career, Diarist, Diary, inspiration, Life Coach, Personal Growth, philosophical, Work

Understanding

After putting off seeing Mum and being two weeks late for Mother’s Day, I finally went round there today. I … More

Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Healing Journey, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Understanding

Letting Go Again

Alice asked to talk with me today. She mentioned how hard it is seeing her boyfriend Jack as they don’t … More

Boundaries, Childhood Conditioning, Diarist, Diary, Letting Go, Parenting, Personal Growth

Bittersweet

My Dad rang this morning, he said he wanted to see how I was as I’d been on his mind … More

Acceptance, anxiety, diairst, Diary, Healing Process, Mirroring, Personal Growth, Reflection, Self Awareness, Stress, Toxic Parent, unheard, Universe

The End Of The World

Last night I dreamt . . . I am stood alone, but aware of people somewhere around me, in the … More

Diarist, Diary, Dream Interpretation, Letting Go, Personal Growth

The Day I Acted On My Intuition

After dropping the kids to school this morning, I suddenly got the strongest intuitive sense that I needed to have … More

Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, emptiness, Healing Process, Intuition, Letting Go, Personal Growth, Sex, Unconventional

Unconventional

I went into Karen’s this morning for a quick catch up. It was our normal chatting about nothing in particular … More

Change, Diarist, Diary, Dream, Fear, friend, Letting Go, Personal Growth, Unconventional

Bruised

I haven’t had any contact with Phil for about a month now and I’ve barely thought about him in that … More

Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Self Awareness, Trust, Trusting Life

Learning To Say No

We went to Millie’s today, she’d invited us over to take Jasper so their new puppy, Rex could learn to … More

Assertiveness, Diarist, Diary, Personal Growth, Say No, Self Awareness

Acknowledging & Letting Go

When Tom came over to see the kids tonight we got talking, just the two of us. We were talking … More

apology, Closure, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth

A Harsh Reminder

This afternoon I received some very sad news. My uncle Kevin died today, he was 67 years old. It’s heartbreaking … More

Diarist, Diary, Grief, Love, Personal Growth, Unconditional Love

Letting In

It turns out that letting go, when you make up your mind to do it and then just get on … More

Diarist, Diary, Letting Go, Letting In, Personal Growth

The Trouble With Letting Go

I’m having a big lesson in letting go today. For the last three years I have held on to bags … More

Diarist, Diary, Letting Go, Personal Growth

A Reminder

I’ve spent the last couple of days ill with a bad cold. I got virtually no sleep on Friday night … More

Diarist, Diary, narcissism, Personal Growth

The Other Half

Yesterday continued to be a complete washout. After writing, I fell asleep for an hour then went off to get … More

Diarist, Diary, Personal Growth, Self Awareness

Compulsive Intuition

Over the last few weeks, something has been building that feels so right. It feels exciting. When I left Tom, … More

Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Intuition, Personal Growth, Self Awareness

Singledom

My friend, Alex and I often have lengthy conversations about life, love, kids, everything. She has become a great sounding … More

Diarist, Diary, friend, Mirroring, Personal Growth, Reflection, Self Awareness, single, single life

1000 Days

It’s 1000 days since I left Tom. I no longer have anger or resentment towards him and on the whole … More

Diarist, Diary, Personal Growth

I Will Survive

I went to a nightclub with my friends, Sandy, Karen and Daisy tonight, it was one of the worst nights … More

Diarist, Diary, Friends, Personal Growth

The Day I Realised My Vocation

I recently read The Five Love Languages, within three chapters I finally understood my relationship history, what made some relationships … More

Counselling, Emotional Needs, future, Healing Process, Love, Personal Growth, Processing, Psychotherapy, Quality Time, Relationship, Relationship History, Self Awareness, Self Discovery, Therapy, Touch, Understanding

His Kind of Love

I took a moment today to completely focus on Phil’s many positive attributes with no thoughts of the things that … More

Healing Process, Love, Personal Growth, Relationship

Intuition

Two days ago I had an overwhelming urge to speak to Craig again. We haven’t spoken properly since November other … More

Abuse, Anger, Boundaries, control, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Gaslighting, Healing Process, Intuition, Mirroring, narcissism, Personal Growth, Reflection, respect, Verbal Abuse

Worming

Tom has been being really helpful lately and I can’t help thinking that it’s because he’s trying to worm his … More

Abuse, Choice, control, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, manipulation, narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationship

Emotional Crutch

Phil and I went out for dinner last night and then back to his for some drinks. I stayed over, … More

Counselling, Diarist, Diary, emotional crutch, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Awareness, Unconditional Love, value

Truth Built On Lies

Tom sent me another email today. . .“I have wondered how I would feel when you finally start to see … More

Abuse, control, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Healing Process, letter, manipulation, narcissism, Personal Growth

He Knows

The last three days have been horrible. I told Tom about Phil, he had to know sooner or later. I … More

Diarist, Diary, Happiness, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Relationship, Stress

Higher Self

I woke this morning feeling pretty awful, not ill or tired, just a profound need to be alone and retreat … More

Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, Higher Self, Intuition, needs, Personal Growth, personal needs, Spirituality

Falling In Love

I don’t want a relationship. I’ve only been single for 19 months. Since I was 14 I’ve only been single … More

Boundaries, Choice, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Love, Personal Growth, Relationship, single life, single woman

Instinctively Confused

I just knew today was going to be a testing day. I slept really badly, a combination of my back … More

Childhood Conditioning, Counselling, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Intuition, Personal Growth, Relationship, Responsibility, Therapy, Trust

Union

I met up with Phil last night, totally spontaneously. I was at home and child free. It was 10pm, I … More

anxiety, Dating, Healing Process, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Relationship, Relationship Anxiety, Sex

The Truth Will Set You Free

I’ve told Phil about Tom. I’ve just spent the entire morning getting it all out an email so he knows … More

Blame, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, intimacy, Personal Growth, Relationship, Responsibility, Trust

Lessons In Love

I knew the next lesson wouldn’t take long to come my way. I feel like I’m on an accelerated path … More

Dating, Emotional Connection, Healing Process, intimacy, Lesson, Personal Growth

Phil

Yesterday, my friend, Karen posted a status on her Facebook wall about her new haircut. I left a funny comment … More

Change, Dating, Healing Process, Personal Growth

There Once Was An Ugly Duckling

While talking to my Mum on the phone this morning she said she’d realised something in the early hours of … More

Healing Process, Lesson, Personal Growth, Relationship

What Love Isn’t

I replied to an email from my friend, Rachel today about her abusive ex and the new man in her … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Neglect, Healing Process, Love, Personal Growth

The Right Decision

Tom was rude to me again today. I thought I’d be kind and see if he wanted to pick Annie … More

Abuse, Anger, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Letting Go, Personal Growth, Verbal Abuse

End of An Era

It’s New Year’s Eve. Tom was supposed to be staying here the night, to see the New Year in with … More

Change, Children, Gratitude, Healing Process, Lesson, Letting Go, New Year, Parenting, Personal Growth

A Christmas Gift

What better day than Christmas day to have a massive realisation that you really feel deep within, one that resonates … More

Abuse, Change, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Therapy, Verbal Abuse

Russian Dolls

At my counselling session today Sam gave me a set of Russian Dolls and asked me to take them home … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Family, Gaslighting, Healing Process, narcissism, Parents, Personal Growth, Therapy

Needy

At my counselling session today I told Sam that I think I’m too needy. Sam asked me to tell her … More

Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Needs, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Processing, Therapy

Before The Internet

At my counselling session today we discussed something that’s become a bit of a problem recently – my obsessive use … More

Alone, Counselling, Healing Process, Loneliness, Personal Growth, Processing, Therapy

Deluge

For far too long I’ve felt like just giving in; surrendering to my pain and allowing myself to drop deeper into … More

Counselling, Depression, Diarist, Diary, Grief, Healing Process, Loneliness, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Therapy, Unsupported

Rock Bottom

What do you do and where do you go when you just about reach rock bottom? It’s been creeping up … More

Abuse, Alone, Anger, Depression, Family, Healing Process, Hurt, Loneliness, Mental Health, narcissism, Personal Growth, Processing

Struggling

I’m really struggling at the moment. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a single parent or if there’s … More

Healing Process, Money, Overwhelmed, Personal Growth, Single Parent

Disaster

Having spent the last two days thinking that Tom and I could possibly make another go of things, although thankfully … More

Healing Process, Personal Growth

Men

Such a lot has happened over the last couple of days. Tom was distraught about the rabbits dying and admitted … More

Abuse, Choice, Dating, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Processing

Numb

Two or three nights ago, I had a dream of a man being electrocuted in the bath. The thing that … More

Dream, Dream Interpretation, Healing Process, Personal Growth

Eat, Eat, Eat

For the second time, I am reading Eat Pray Love. The first time I read the book it touched me. … More

Abuse, Change, Comfort Eating, control, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Healing Process, Health, narcissism, Personal Growth, Processing, Weight gain

Love

Eleven months have passed since I moved into this house and away from Tom, I don’t even want to think … More

Comfort Zone, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, intimacy, Love, Personal Growth, Processing, Relationship Anxiety, Self Awareness

No Regrets

I woke this morning after a terrible night’s sleep, the wine had given me the most horrendous heartburn so I’d … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Moving On

Five months have passed since I last saw Craig. The last time we met up, we almost had sex but … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Attachments

It’s so strange how things creep up and take me by surprise when I least expect them. Annie is staying … More

Abuse, Attachments, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, Gaslighting, Healing Process, Hope, intimacy, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Processing, Rejection, Self Awareness, Sex, Single Parent, Verbal Abuse

Weight of The World

When I left Tom I had no choice but to apply for financial assistance in the form of some benefits. … More

Abuse, anxiety, Boundaries, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, control, Diarist, Diary, Family, Fear, Healing Process, Money, narcissism, Parenting, Parents, Personal Growth, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Single Parent, Stress, Trauma Bonding

Letter To James

A few weeks ago when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch … More

Abuse, Blame, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Processing, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Therapy, Trust, Writing

This is Life

While carrying Annie’s toys up the stairs today, I tripped. I managed to regain my balance and then I tripped … More

Abuse, control, Depression, Diarist, Diary, Grief, Healing Process, Mental Health, narcissism, Personal Growth

Almost

I met up with Craig for lunch again today except lunch was at my house and there was no food … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

The Simple Things

The simple things bring me the greatest pleasures these days. Waking to snow, donning our warmest clothes; hats, scarves, wellies … More

Diarist, Diary, Happiness, Healing Process, Personal Growth

Happy

I went to see my sister, Millie, today. She took a few pictures of me and some of Annie.  When … More

Change, Diarist, Diary, Happiness, Healing Process, Personal Growth

Desired

Craig and I met up again for lunch. This time though, instead of it being two people just chatting, there … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Sexual Being

Craig’s refusal to just jump into bed with me knocked me last night but I’m glad he did. It made … More

Creativity, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, insecurities, Personal Growth, Photography, Sex

Let’s Talk About Sex

I’ve broached the subject of sex with Craig. Taking those photographs a few days ago really got me thinking. I’ve … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Rejection, Sex

Naked Truth

Meeting Craig has been so good for me. We talk all the time and I really feel that for the … More

Abuse, Confidence, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Friends, Healing Process, integrity, narcissism, Personal Growth, Photography, Rejection, Sex

First Date

I went on a date with Craig today, the first date I’ve been on since leaving Tom and my first … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Self Esteem

Dating

I joined a dating site last week. I know it’s been less than three months since Tom and I split up … More

Abuse, Acceptance, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, integrity, narcissism, Personal Growth

Two Months On

It’s been two months since we left our old life and moved into our new home. It was absolutely the … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth

The Children Suffer Too

For the last year of living with Tom, Katie would come home from school, go straight to her bedroom and … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Verbal Abuse

A Safe Place

Most probably it’s the two glasses of wine I’ve had, combined with our new kitten moving in but tonight I … More

Abuse, Cycle of Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth

Scared

It’s quite a journey that I went on to realise how scared I am. It started by looking at some self-portraits … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Self Awareness, Self Discovery

Learning To Walk Again

I built a bookcase today. I was tempted to ring him, ask him to do it and then I thought, … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Self Awareness, Self Discovery, Self Esteem

Choices

He came over today, as usual. At lunchtime, he asked if I had ham and chips. He said maybe he’d … More

Abuse, Choice, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Identity, narcissism, Personal Growth

Confidence

I received an email in response to one I’d sent to a client who’s going to be a volunteer for a … More

Abuse, Confidence, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Photography, Work

Powerless

I don’t miss him. I had a blip. Today he came over, he ate lunch in my house, he sat … More

Abuse, control, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Powerless, Verbal Abuse

Exposed

It’s been twenty-five days since I left him and tried to get on with my life, clawing my way back … More

Abuse, Alone, Blame, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Guilt, Healing Process, Loneliness, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Responsibility, vulnerable

Happy Housewarming

I had five of my friends come over tonight to celebrate my new beginning with me. It’s the first time … More

Abuse, Confidence, Diarist, Friends, Healing Process, narcissism, New Beginning, Personal Growth, support

When?

When will it come back? That elusive part of the self that goes missing when you go through really tough … More

Abuse, control, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Healing Process, Identity, narcissism, Personal Growth, Stress

Cruel Love

Silence’s alarm clock woke me constantly throughout the night to remind me of the past. The past that, just yesterday, … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationship, Verbal Abuse

The Bittersweet Taste of Goodbye

I’m lying on the floor of an unfamiliar bedroom in a strange house. Despite the absence of the discarded plastic … More

Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, New Beginning, Personal Growth, Relationship

The Key

I have signed the contract and picked up the keys to a new house, a house that just me and … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Finding My Truth, Healing Process, integrity, Love, narcissism, New Beginning, Personal Growth, Relationship

An End In Sight

In six days, I get the keys to my new house. I wish I could say I’m excited but I … More

Abuse, Change, Diarist, Diary, Family, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationship, Unsupported

Heartbroken

In fifteen days I will leave this house and my life with Tom forever. The kids and I are going … More

Abuse, Change, Choice, Diarist, Diary, Grief, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Rejection, Relationship

Expecting Life

I feel as though I am pregnant with a new life that’s growing from within. It kicks and shifts constantly … More

Abuse, Change, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Empowerment, Personal Growth, Relationship, Self Discovery

The Slow Process of Leaving

I’m feeling shit today, I think telling the kids has made it all the more real. It seems to be … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationship

New Home

I am looking at a house this week that may be ideal for us, I have a few reservations about … More

Abuse, Change, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationship

In Denial

Tom seems to be in complete denial that our relationship is coming to an end which doesn’t make a great … More

Abuse, Cycle of Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Family, Healing Process, In Denial, narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationship

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