The last few weeks have been a very stressful time. So much change has happened, inwardly and outwardly, and I … More
Tag: Relationship
Unlovable
I tried to end things with Phil today and then I discovered that he is the most wonderful man to walk this … More
The Day I Realised My Vocation
I recently read The Five Love Languages, within three chapters I finally understood my relationship history, what made some relationships … More
Me Time
In a few weeks time, Annie’s going to be going away with Tom which coincides with Alice and Katie going … More
My Needs
I went back to see Sam, my counsellor, today. I haven’t felt a need to see her since February but … More
Shame
Phil’s sister and her family came over tonight to see us. It was his sister’s birthday and Phil had brought … More
Fleeting Moments of Love
Phil and I came back today from a weekend away to celebrate his birthday. We stayed in a beautiful boutique … More
Truth
I often notice how events in my life tie in together, even though they may appear to be very different … More
Man Child
Phil came round to mine tonight and I saw a side of him that I really don’t like. He’s pulled … More
His Kind of Love
I took a moment today to completely focus on Phil’s many positive attributes with no thoughts of the things that … More
Rushing
On Monday, I mentioned to Phil that I might start looking around for a new house to move to. We’ve … More
Suffocated
I’ve just got back from twenty-four hours at Phil’s and it’s become clear to me that the lack of physical … More
Worming
Tom has been being really helpful lately and I can’t help thinking that it’s because he’s trying to worm his … More
Ghost
I’m really struggling to comprehend why this has happened now but for the last eight days, I’ve really been struggling. … More
Emotional Crutch
Phil and I went out for dinner last night and then back to his for some drinks. I stayed over, … More
He Knows
The last three days have been horrible. I told Tom about Phil, he had to know sooner or later. I … More
Stumbling Block
Yesterday evening was spent round at Phil’s being treated to dinner and drinks. It was nice but this morning, I … More
Revelations
With all the older kids at their Dad’s house for the weekend and Annie away with Tom, Phil took me … More
Falling In Love
I don’t want a relationship. I’ve only been single for 19 months. Since I was 14 I’ve only been single … More
An Act?
I’ve seen Phil a couple of times since our first meeting and I’m starting to feel really pressured. Every time … More
Instinctively Confused
I just knew today was going to be a testing day. I slept really badly, a combination of my back … More
Union
I met up with Phil last night, totally spontaneously. I was at home and child free. It was 10pm, I … More
The Truth Will Set You Free
I’ve told Phil about Tom. I’ve just spent the entire morning getting it all out an email so he knows … More
There Once Was An Ugly Duckling
While talking to my Mum on the phone this morning she said she’d realised something in the early hours of … More
Cruel Love
Silence’s alarm clock woke me constantly throughout the night to remind me of the past. The past that, just yesterday, … More
The Bittersweet Taste of Goodbye
I’m lying on the floor of an unfamiliar bedroom in a strange house. Despite the absence of the discarded plastic … More
The Key
I have signed the contract and picked up the keys to a new house, a house that just me and … More
An End In Sight
In six days, I get the keys to my new house. I wish I could say I’m excited but I … More
Heartbroken
In fifteen days I will leave this house and my life with Tom forever. The kids and I are going … More
Expecting Life
I feel as though I am pregnant with a new life that’s growing from within. It kicks and shifts constantly … More
The Slow Process of Leaving
I’m feeling shit today, I think telling the kids has made it all the more real. It seems to be … More
New Home
I am looking at a house this week that may be ideal for us, I have a few reservations about … More
In Denial
Tom seems to be in complete denial that our relationship is coming to an end which doesn’t make a great … More
Almost Over
I’ve told Tom that it’s over and that I will be moving out as soon as I can. He keeps … More
Where Do We Go From Here?
I’ve been trying to remember who I was before my world started falling apart. To claw back some of the … More
A Future of Choice
I had a dream last night but I can only remember a small part of it. In the dream, I … More
The 1000 Piece Jigsaw Puzzle
I had another dream last night. My dreams lately are really interesting and are telling me a great deal. I … More
Oppression
I had a dream last night that really disturbed me. As the day has gone on, the feelings have become … More
Breaking Point
We were supposed to be clearing all the crap out of the garden today ready for it to be gutted … More
Discoveries
Discoveries are not always good things, but always something to learn from. My discovery today is that I never put … More
Delving Into Money
The counselling is really making me look at and question every aspect of my life. It’s forcing me to delve … More
Stronger
I’m not sure if it’s five or six weeks of seeing the psychotherapist but I do know that I am … More
Desperate Measures
I don’t think I have ever felt so alone. I am surrounded by my family and yet I’ve never felt … More
Dismissed
My psychotherapist, James, says that I dismiss myself. Maybe I do but when did it start? I know that Tom … More
Blame & Responsibility
My new photography business is going really well, I’m having lots of enquiries and doing a good amount of photo … More
Everyone’s A Mirror
I feel very tired today, I slept very badly last night. I had a conversation with Tom, I forget what … More
Stress
I had to go to the doctors tonight for a checkup. I’ve been having chest pains all day and over … More
A Positive Sign
I’ve always believed that what we dream about at night can be a guide for our waking lives and last … More
Snowball Fight
It snowed really heavily last night and was still snowing this morning when we awoke. The girls stayed off school, … More
A New Beginning
New beginnings come in all shapes and sizes. Today not only heralds the start of a new year but also … More
Fears
I really can’t take any more of this and will be doing everything in my power to get out in … More
Getting Physical
Tom and I rarely have sex but last night we did for the first time in a very very long … More
Reaquainting
There are many things that people might think are the worst things about the kind of relationship I’m in. Maybe … More
Decisions
Tom came back home from visiting his family today. There’s still an awful atmosphere between us after my birthday but … More
The Gift of Clarity
I woke to the kids bringing me breakfast in bed and cries of Happy Birthday! Once downstairs, they gave me … More
Worthless
Looking back, I can see that I’ve always put everyone else’s needs before my own but I always saw it … More
Breathless
I had quite a bad asthma attack yesterday afternoon which is still giving me some breathing problems today yet despite … More
Into the Light
As I suspected, it didn’t last. I really tried to think positively today. To remind myself that I’ve been a … More
Halloween Shocker
Tom has really thrown me yet again. He rarely joins in with anything the kids and I do, in fact, … More
Disapproving Father
Tom pulled me up on the way I talk today, not for the first time. He said he disapproved of … More
No Way Out
Today has been really trying. I’m tired and stressed and I can’t see any way out. I have been looking … More
Naked Shame
Why won’t Tom ever have sex with me? Am I that ugly? Is my body really that disgusting to look … More
Fuck Off!
Tom and I had a disagreement a few days ago, it was over in minutes and as far as I … More
Money
Tom has put the house he lived in before we moved in here together, up for sale. He walked in, … More
A Difficult Decision
After twenty-nine months, I’m attempting to stop breastfeeding. I kept it going for so long partly because I didn’t want … More
The Men in my Life
I left the older girls’ dad, Greg, for many reasons but one of them being that he was so money … More
A Short-Lived Love
It was a really lovely day today so I suggested getting my mum to watch the kids and just Tom … More
Sacred Words
We’re in the middle of decorating the living room at the moment. We have an ugly 1960s gas fire that … More
Debt
Tom told me today that he’s in debt and it’s all because of me. He said I pushed him into … More
Time For Me
The older children were all at their Dad’s today so it was just Tom, Annie and I at home. I … More
A Confusing Surprise
It’s been such a long time since Tom and I had a good day together, all we’ve done for months … More
A Letter to Tom
Tom and I had a huge argument a few days ago, it ended with him telling me to think about … More
Food Issues
We went out for lunch today with the kids. If ever we go out, we almost always go to the … More
Mischievous
An old friend from school emailed me tonight for a catch-up. During the messages that went back and forth, she … More
Missing
Alice had an end of school leaving party tonight. Once she was all dressed up ready to leave, I took … More
Nail Biting Reaction
Tom went mental at me today for biting my nails. I’ve always bitten my nails, it’s not like it’s something … More
Passed By
Recently, I’ve been feeling that life has passed me by and it’s really starting to get me down. In the … More
Knowledge is Power
One day last week, Tom woke up in a bit of a mood. The best way for me to deal … More
Creating Space
Tom went away four days ago to see his family so while he was away, I decided to tackle the … More
Two Thousand & Forty-Eight Days
I actually had a good night’s sleep last night. Annie barely woke and it made all the difference to how … More
A Learning Curve
I spent all week unsure whether to go back to the domestic abuse group or not, I didn’t want to … More
Domestic Abuse
I have just attended a group for domestic abuse and it was awful. I went along as I’ve wondered for … More
Begrudging The Lesson
Even though Tom complains every single time I take photographs of Annie saying I will blind her or damage her … More
Disgusting
My sisters, Izzy and Sasha, popped around today. When they left, they did something that really upset me. I stood … More
Playing Piece
Despite the fact that Tom and I have decided to give this one last try, Tom has now started making, … More
Confirmation
I woke up this morning to Tom masturbating in the bed next to me. I laid there wishing he would … More
Rejected
Tom always used to sit downstairs watching telly until midnight but nowadays, if he’s not at the pub, he goes … More
A Moment to Make my Heart Melt
While cooking dinner tonight I realised that the house had gone a bit quiet. On further inspection I found Alice … More
Unimportant
I’m so mad at myself. Annie had me up so much on Sunday night and last night even more so. … More
Letting Go of Hope
I’ve always been really interested in personal growth and I’ve always believed in the power of working with The Universe … More
The Process of Separating
Today has been harder than I ever imagined it to be for both of us. We both feel that we’ve … More
What Will Be, Will Be
I’m moving out sometime in the new year but I’m not rushing it as I want to ensure I stay … More
Living Apart Together
I still love Tom more than ever and I still want a relationship with him but I don’t really want … More
Not A Merry Christmas
Christmas was a complete disaster this year. It started off when all of my family – sisters, parents, nieces and … More
Shopper
Tom shocked me and said he would do the Christmas food shop. I used the opportunity to spend some quality … More
Your Department
A few weeks ago, I mentioned to Tom about buying the kids’ presents for Christmas, his reply – ‘That’s your … More
Happy Fucking Birthday
Yesterday was Tom’s birthday. I woke up vomiting and with a high temperature so had to ask him to take the … More
Piece of Shit
We saw my sister, Millie, today. Afterwards, Tom said, “I think Millie is fantastic, she’s clever, highly intelligent, shrewd and … More
A Life of Stress
I have so much going on in my head at the moment, my stress levels are unbelievably high, I never … More