Time To Succumb

Last night I went out for dinner with Howie. I’d stressed to him beforehand that I couldn’t do anything more … More

Good Vs Bad

Over the last few weeks, Howie and I have been texting each other. He is everything Gary isn’t. He’s kind, … More

Intolerable Anguish

I sat thinking about life and love today and I wondered if I pick the ‘bad’ boys, the ones that … More

Fear Takes Hold

I’ve been hit by what I originally thought was a wall of indecision but now realise is more than that. … More

Escapism

Last night I had a dream that woke me up like no dream has in a long time. It made … More

A Quarter of A Century Later…

On New Year’s Eve, Tom told me he was meeting a woman for a coffee date – no problem here, … More

I Want Freedom

Annie has made a few new friends recently and I’ve got to know their mums, Nicola and Sally. Nicola is … More

A Life Sentence

Seven or eight chances weren’t enough so I decided to give Gary another one. He said something to me last … More

Reverting Back To Type

Last night, Gary sent me a message asking if I’d missed him as we haven’t seen each other since Sunday. … More

Accepting The Wrong Man

I found myself reading an article today about always attracting the ‘wrong’ man. I based this on the fact that … More

Achilles Heel

I ended the relationship with Gary today. In the evening, he came around to get his stuff, I let him … More

The Glue Between Us

I had a dream last night that made me realise just how low down on the list of Gary’s priorities … More

No Fete, No Fate

I invited Gary and his children to join me and my children at the local village fete today which he … More

Single At Heart

I came across an article today about people that are single at heart and I think it sums me up … More

A Wasted Decade

I spent all day thinking about all the stuff with Gary and decided that I will stay with him. If … More

Bad Mood, Sad Mood

Despite our recent bouts of arguing, I messaged Gary earlier to say I would go to see a band with … More

Filling A Void

I’ve just had a moment of clarity . . .  I don’t wholesomely love Gary. There is chemistry between us, … More

Masculine Versus Feminine

Last night, Gary and I had a discussion about my willingness to be open and sharing. He said that he … More

Challenging My Masculinity

I’m really starting to feel the first challenge with Gary. That’s not a bad thing at all. His raw masculinity … More

A Sign?

Last night just before I went to sleep I asked ‘life’ to help me find love. I asked for a … More

That Old Devil Called Love

Tom went home to see his family on Boxing Day and came back tonight. He wanted to see Annie but … More

Emptiness

I’m lost. Completely and utterly lost. No, actually I’m beyond lost. I’m empty. I am not sad, down or depressed, … More

Introvert

Phil, who I’m still in touch with every now and then, sent me an article tonight and it resonated so … More

Embrace Yourself

I gave Colin a lift home this morning so he didn’t have to get soaked in the rain. Instead of … More

Me Me Me

I’ve just had a conversation with Karen which was all about a challenging situation she’s going through at the moment. … More

Not Settling

I deleted my account from the dating site today. It wasn’t right, as I knew it wouldn’t be. I looked … More

Stepping Stones

Phil emailed me last night to tell me that he’d had a meeting with his bosses to discuss the job … More

Conflicting Beliefs

When I was growing up I clearly remember a lot of times when I was told by my mum,  ‘You … More

Friends Like These

Sometimes something sneaks up on me and takes me completely by surprise. Something that I think I’ve dealt with and … More

I’m Ready

Since the four year anniversary of leaving Tom two days ago, I’ve really felt as though a line has been … More

The Gift I Gave

This time four years ago today, I was lying on a mattress on the floor of my new house for … More

Truth and Lies

Today I got the answer to my question from both Phil and Tom. Tom refused to answer. He said we … More

Passions & Dreams

I started reading a book that includes an online workbook to help find your passion and dreams to aid you … More

Hardened

I’ve become hardened. The lack of love in my life is hardening me. I remember when I was with Phil, … More

Saving The World

I’ve had a lot of problems with Katie’s school this week. I have thrown myself into trying to resolve the … More

TimeLine

I asked myself a question today which ended up being very thought-provoking. ‘How much of my past have I allowed … More

Emotional Substitutes

At counselling today we talked about Phil and a little about Tom. On the way to counselling, Tom, who had … More

Learning To Embrace The Wild

A series of thoughts throughout the morning led me on a trail of self-discovery that I needed to go on … More

Free Fall

I had an interesting conversation with Tom today. I told him how I felt yesterday in TGIs, how sad it … More

Bargaining For Love

I’m agitated and in the midst of a hurricane of panic. I’m back in touch with my old faithful friends … More

Judgement Healing

This morning I woke feeling much better than I have for the last few weeks. I felt positive, balanced and … More

Bittersweet

My Dad rang this morning, he said he wanted to see how I was as I’d been on his mind … More

The First Stage of Grief

I paid for a course on relationship anxiety yesterday and started watching the first video today. Only four minutes into … More

Rescue Me

I’ve had a really introspective day today. I was really tired and could feel my mood dropping lower and lower … More

Flawed

Since letting go of Tom, I’ve been taking a long hard look at myself and seeing that I am actually … More

A Physical Lifeline

One day last week I had an urge to see my cousin. I went into town today and coincidentally, bumped … More

An Unexpected Compliment

I went for breakfast with Karen and Sam today. While there we chatted about friends and their values. I said … More

Bruised

I haven’t had any contact with Phil for about a month now and I’ve barely thought about him in that … More

Exploration

I’ve always regarded myself as a homebody, someone who is happiest to be at home, doing my own thing and … More

Learning To Say No

We went to Millie’s today, she’d invited us over to take Jasper so their new puppy, Rex could learn to … More

Paralysed By A Label

Growing up I soon learned my ‘label.’ My older sister, Millie was ‘The Clever One’ and I was ‘The Pretty … More

Wheel of Choice

One of my fondest memories of my childhood is from when I was about 6 or 7.  I was in … More

Slipping Away

This evening Tom came over to bring Annie back from his. Annie left the room and Tom suddenly blurted out … More

Self Contained

More and more I’m starting to realise that I’m a selfish person but the realisation isn’t actually bothering me. There … More

A Long-Awaited Apology

This morning, I laid in bed in that in-between state of not asleep but not quite awake either and I … More

Open Doors

It was Uncle Kevin’s funeral today. I didn’t want to go. All week I’ve been dreading it, I just cannot … More

Centred in The Self

Phil texted me tonight, wanting to talk. He told me he’d done a mediation and he’d realised that the last … More

Weakening

Phil emailed me for the first time since he ended things. I can’t help thinking he did it because he … More

I’m Sorry

This morning, while drying myself after my shower, I managed to pull a muscle in my back. It was painful … More

It’s Over

Phil sent me an email tonight, “We need to talk. I am not prepared to have a relationship with an … More

Accepting & Embracing

I spent this evening scanning in all the photos and mementoes from some of the boxes Mum lent me of … More

The Other Half

Yesterday continued to be a complete washout. After writing, I fell asleep for an hour then went off to get … More

Free Time Failure

It’s been weeks and weeks since I last had a Saturday night/Sunday to myself. Last weekend Annie and the girls … More

The Ripple Effect

I heard about a crash that occurred this morning about fifteen miles from me. A man had driven into two … More

Compulsive Intuition

Over the last few weeks, something has been building that feels so right. It feels exciting. When I left Tom, … More

Acceptance

I went to Phil’s last night despite my feelings earlier in the day, actually because of them. I needed to … More

Invalidated

We decided to spend the bank holiday having a barbecue. As we knew Tom would be at a loose end … More

To Be or Not To Be

I spent the afternoon with Phil today. It was perfect. Every time we’re together it feels so good. Being with … More

Taking Control

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks thinking I wanted a relationship with Tom again. I know deep down that … More

Singledom

My friend, Alex and I often have lengthy conversations about life, love, kids, everything. She has become a great sounding … More

The Foundations of Self Esteem

When Josh was a baby, I started writing books for him throughout his childhood and continued doing the same when … More

Persistent Anger

I’ve spent all day feeling angry again. I’m angry with Phil and I’m angry with someone I met recently and … More

Live Up To My Potential

Phil is annoying me so much. I’m sick of his bullshit, I don’t believe him. I don’t think he’s genuine, … More

A Different Perspective

I’ve been missing Phil. Last week I craved for him. I needed his warmth, love and security. I needed to … More

Unravelling

My auntie, who had special needs, spent a lot of her time knitting squares. The squares would then be sewn … More

Not Enough

I joined a dating site last week and have been chatting with a man called Theo. He’s intelligent, funny, interesting, … More

Deep

When you have a counselling session that goes quite deep it can leave you feeling a little bit like you’re … More

My Biggest Fear

I woke in the night in a mad panic. Breathless and absolutely petrified I retreated under my quilt to try … More

The Day I Realised My Vocation

I recently read The Five Love Languages, within three chapters I finally understood my relationship history, what made some relationships … More

Truth

I often notice how events in my life tie in together, even though they may appear to be very different … More

Emotional Crutch

Phil and I went out for dinner last night and then back to his for some drinks. I stayed over, … More

Anxious

This year has been challenging so far, to say the least. The year began with depression swallowing me whole. I … More

Love

Eleven months have passed since I moved into this house and away from Tom, I don’t even want to think … More

Attachments

It’s so strange how things creep up and take me by surprise when I least expect them. Annie is staying … More

Weight of The World

When I left Tom I had no choice but to apply for financial assistance in the form of some benefits. … More

Letter To James

A few weeks ago when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch … More

Scared

It’s quite a journey that I went on to realise how scared I am. It started by looking at some self-portraits … More

Learning To Walk Again

I built a bookcase today. I was tempted to ring him, ask him to do it and then I thought, … More

Dismissed

My psychotherapist, James, says that I dismiss myself. Maybe I do but when did it start? I know that Tom … More

Worthless

Looking back, I can see that I’ve always put everyone else’s needs before my own but I always saw it … More

A Learning Curve

I spent all week unsure whether to go back to the domestic abuse group or not, I didn’t want to … More

Unimportant

I’m so mad at myself. Annie had me up so much on Sunday night and last night even more so. … More

Seeing The Negatives

I had another counselling session today and have come to realise that the way I am with Tom is becoming … More