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Awareness – Intuition – Healing – Personal Growth – Becoming

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Tag: Sex

Time To Succumb

Last night I went out for dinner with Howie. I’d stressed to him beforehand that I couldn’t do anything more … More

Alpha Male, Date, Date Night, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Dominance, Dominant, Love, passion, Self Awareness, Self Discovery, Sex

Little Woman

Gary keeps texting me on the evenings when he knows I don’t have Annie to ask what I’m doing. He … More

diairst, Diary, Sex, toxic relationship

The Attraction of Physical Contact

My weekend to myself seems such a long time ago and yet it was only 24 hours ago that I … More

Abuse, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, EMDR, Emotional Needs, manipulation, narcissism, needs, physical touch, Psychotherapy, Sex, Therapy, toxic relationship

Sexual Magnetism

I’m so bad at making a decision and sticking to it, I know this better than anyone and today, I … More

Charm, diairst, Diary, Dominance, orgasm, Sex

Achilles Heel

I ended the relationship with Gary today. In the evening, he came around to get his stuff, I let him … More

breakup, Charm, Diarist, Diary, Dominance, Dominant, Relationship, Self Awareness, Sex

A Wasted Decade

I spent all day thinking about all the stuff with Gary and decided that I will stay with him. If … More

Abuse, Boundaries, Diarist, Diary, narcissism, Rejection, Relationship, Self Awareness, Self Respect, Sex

I Don’t Want To Insult Pigs, But . . .

Gary and I went out for dinner last night. It was the first time in two months that we’ve done … More

Abuse, Alcoholic, criticism, Diarist, Diary, narcissism, Physical Abuse, Rape, Sex, toxic relationship, Verbal Abuse

Reconnecting

I woke this morning to Gary kissing me. We had sex but it was so similar to last night in … More

Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, kiss, Love, Sex, unconnected

Bad Mood, Sad Mood

Despite our recent bouts of arguing, I messaged Gary earlier to say I would go to see a band with … More

apology, Diarist, Diary, Relationship, Responsibility, Self Awareness, Sex

The Similarities Of The Past & The Present

I cannot see how this thing between Gary and I is going to work out. The more I get to … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Fantasy Woman, narcissism, Relationship, Sex, Sexual Demands

Feeling Less

Last night, while drunk, Gary told me that I was a huge disappointment. I wondered why, if he thought I … More

Abuse, Alcoholic, Diarist, Diary, Justifying, Relationship, Sex

A Red Flag

I’m starting to have alarm bells over Gary and while I know that my thinking can be, and often is, … More

Abuse, alarm bells, control, Dating, Diarist, Diary, narcissism, red flags, Sex

An Alcohol-Induced Haze of Love

The night I had sex with Johnny.The night I had sex with Luke.The night I had sex with Richard and … More

Alcohol, Beer Goggles, Dating, diairst, Diary, drunk, one night stand, Sex

Bringing Us To Clarity

After our texts the other day, I told Michael that I may have made a mistake and rushed into something … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Relationship, Sex

The Thrill of It

I’m not really sure how it happened, but Michael and I indulged in some slightly sexual texts today, resulting in … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Sex

The Nitty Gritty of You

My Darling, My Future Love, As I sit here on this warm September afternoon I think about you yet I … More

Diarist, Diary, letter, Love, Nitty Gritty, Relationship, Sex, soulmate, Unconditional Love

The Pull

Despite Phil being in a relationship with someone else for the last six months, he offered me sex tonight. We … More

Attachments, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, Intuition, Sex, Trust, Trusting Life, Unconditional Love

Against The Wall

I’m really restless and stressed this morning. There’s a workman here replacing the broken gate and that makes me uptight. … More

anxiety, Childhood Conditioning, Childhood Trauma, Comfort Zone, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Needs, Fear, judgement, Love, masturbation, orgasm, personal responsibility, Relationship Anxiety, Sex, Stress, Transitioning

Resistance is Futile

The last few days have been so difficult, I feel sick constantly, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep,  I have … More

abandonment, anxiety, childhood labels, Childhood Trauma, conscious decision, Counselling, Golden Child, Healing Process, Loneliness, Love, Parenting, Personal Potential, Relationship, Sex, spiritual awakening, Therapy, Toxic Parent, Unconditional Love

The Day I Acted On My Intuition

After dropping the kids to school this morning, I suddenly got the strongest intuitive sense that I needed to have … More

Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, emptiness, Healing Process, Intuition, Letting Go, Personal Growth, Sex, Unconventional

A Physical Lifeline

One day last week I had an urge to see my cousin. I went into town today and coincidentally, bumped … More

Diarist, diary., Healing Process, needs, Self Awareness, Sex

The Continuation of Conflicted Feelings

My feelings for Phil have changed, yet again. How many times does this have to happen before I act on … More

Diarist, Diary, Relationship, Sex

Support

I went over to Phil’s today for sex but I realised, while there, that it’s not actually the sex I … More

Diarist, Diary, emotional support, Sex

Taking Control

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks thinking I wanted a relationship with Tom again. I know deep down that … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, Friends with benefits, fuck buddy, narcissism, Parenting, Self Awareness, Sex

Intimate Love

I went to Phil’s last night, I couldn’t wait to see him. I got straight in his bed, I needed … More

Diarist, Diary, intimacy, Love, Relationship, Sex

Dipping My Toes In The Water

I went on a date with Theo last night. I arrived at the place we’d arranged to me and spotted … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Sex

Missing Him

I miss Phil. I never thought this would happen but the last couple of days I’ve really missed him. I’ve … More

Diarist, Diary, Kindness, Relationship, Sex

Pondering The Future

I’m going to be forty in ten months and it’s been on my mind a lot the last few days. … More

40th, Abuse, Love, Midlife, narcissism, Relationship, Relationship Anxiety, Relationship History, Sex, Unconditional Love

A Stressful Month

The last few weeks have been a very stressful time. So much change has happened, inwardly and outwardly, and I … More

anxiety, Boundaries, Diarist, Diary, House Move, immature, Parenting, Physical Attraction, Relationship, respect, Sex, Single Parent, Stress, Suffocated, unattractive, unheard

My Needs

I went back to see Sam, my counsellor, today. I haven’t felt a need to see her since February but … More

Attraction, Counselling, Emotional Needs, Healing Process, needs, personal needs, Physical Attraction, Psychotherapy, Relationship, Relationship History, Sex, Stress, Therapy

Union

I met up with Phil last night, totally spontaneously. I was at home and child free. It was 10pm, I … More

anxiety, Dating, Healing Process, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Relationship, Relationship Anxiety, Sex

No Regrets

I woke this morning after a terrible night’s sleep, the wine had given me the most horrendous heartburn so I’d … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Moving On

Five months have passed since I last saw Craig. The last time we met up, we almost had sex but … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Attachments

It’s so strange how things creep up and take me by surprise when I least expect them. Annie is staying … More

Abuse, Attachments, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, Gaslighting, Healing Process, Hope, intimacy, narcissism, Parenting, Personal Growth, Processing, Rejection, Self Awareness, Sex, Single Parent, Verbal Abuse

Almost

I met up with Craig for lunch again today except lunch was at my house and there was no food … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Desired

Craig and I met up again for lunch. This time though, instead of it being two people just chatting, there … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Sex

Sexual Being

Craig’s refusal to just jump into bed with me knocked me last night but I’m glad he did. It made … More

Creativity, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Healing Process, insecurities, Personal Growth, Photography, Sex

Let’s Talk About Sex

I’ve broached the subject of sex with Craig. Taking those photographs a few days ago really got me thinking. I’ve … More

Dating, Diarist, Diary, Fear, Healing Process, Personal Growth, Rejection, Sex

Naked Truth

Meeting Craig has been so good for me. We talk all the time and I really feel that for the … More

Abuse, Confidence, Dating, Diarist, Diary, Friends, Healing Process, integrity, narcissism, Personal Growth, Photography, Rejection, Sex

Getting Physical

Tom and I rarely have sex but last night we did for the first time in a very very long … More

Abuse, Blame, Cycle of Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Physical Abuse, Relationship, Responsibility, Sex, Verbal Abuse

Naked Shame

Why won’t Tom ever have sex with me? Am I that ugly? Is my body really that disgusting to look … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, Photography, Rejection, Relationship, Self Esteem, Sex

Confirmation

I woke up this morning to Tom masturbating in the bed next to me. I laid there wishing he would … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Rejection, Relationship, Sex

Rejected

Tom always used to sit downstairs watching telly until midnight but nowadays, if he’s not at the pub, he goes … More

Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Gaslighting, Rejection, Relationship, Sex

Controlled

Despite what the counsellor said about me being negative, I’m starting to have doubts. I think she was wrong. Maybe … More

Abuse, Childhood Trauma, control, Counselling, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Abuse, Financial Abuse, Housework, Parenting, Relationship, Sex, Therapy, Verbal Abuse

Baby Steps

I’ve come down to earth with a bump today after a weekend away camping with the kids. I think Tom … More

Abuse, Alcoholic, Diarist, Diary, Parenting, Porn, Rejection, Relationship, Sex

Date Night

Tom actually agreed to go out with me tonight, just me and him. Whenever I’ve asked him before he’s refused … More

Abuse, Alcoholic, Diarist, Diary, intimacy, Rejection, Relationship, Sex

Connecting

It was Christmas day today, Annie’s first. It was also the first time in a very long time that Tom … More

Abuse, Cycle of Abuse, Diarist, Diary, Emotional Connection, Hope, Rejection, Relationship, Sex

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